Every year, the school had a class free day that everyone in our year spent in the Great Hall, listening to droning lectures about Health Education. In first year, Professor Flitwick and Madam Pomfrey taught us the food groups, told us all to eat right and get regular exercise, and warned us that growth spurts were expected for our age group. Second year, Pomfrey and McGonagall gave us a talk about waiting for marriage and not engaging in inappropriate behavior in the astronomy tower, with a slight mention that changes to our body were normal and if we had any questions, we could see the school nurse. The abstinence talk would've been more effective from Snape, because no one wanted to hear Snape talk about sex, but we were only twelve and word was that Snape's expertise was saved for the older years. Last year, Pomfrey told us all how babies were made and that this would result in girls getting periods and boys soiling their nightclothes. Professor Lupin was there for that and although he mostly kept quiet, he did say that boys could talk to him if we had any problems we didn't feel comfortable bringing to the school nurse.
This year was different. This year the boys and girls were to be split up. Word from George and Fred was that Dumbledore himself would talk to us boys about how to control our urges and how not to engage in sexual harassment. The headmaster knew all about the consequences of boy urges and all the particulars about what the punishments were for each offense, so Hermione reckoned it would be interesting, but I figured it would be as bad as all the other years. I was only grateful that we wouldn't be getting Snape's sex speeches until fifth year and up.
The girls, according to Angelina, would be getting Sprout, to talk to them about the horrors of pregnancy and how awful babies are. Sprout was one of the few teachers on staff who was a mother, so maybe she was the best qualified to teach that lesson. But Angelina had admitted that Sprout wasn't much of a hard arse and the day had turned out fun and informative, because they'd learned spells they'd need when it came time to be mothers, such as how to change a nappy with a wand.
Personally, I wanted kids, so I was more interested in learning how to change nappies with Sprout than I was in learning how quickly rapists were expelled with Dumbledore. I brought my invisibility cloak with me, hoping there would be a point where I could sneak out of the boy meeting and into the girl meeting.
So, there I was in the Great Hall with all the other boys, invisibility cloak at the top of my backpack, waiting while Dumbledore took roll call, when Professor McGonagall came in with a stern expression on her face. She walked right up to Malfoy, grabbed him by the upper arm, and said, "Mr. Malfoy, you are coming with me."
"But I don't want to go! I want to learn how to not rape people!" Malfoy protested, pulling his arm free.
"If you cause a scene, Mr. Malfoy, let the consequences be on your head," McGonagall replied.
I didn't think there was anything Malfoy could do to not cause a scene, seeing as every boy in the room was staring at the pair, but Malfoy seemed to be determined to cause more of a scene.
"But I'm a boy! How am I going to learn not to be a rapist, if I don't stay for this very informative meeting? It's not like boys are capable of just not sticking their junk where it doesn't belong without being told how not to do so!" Malfoy argued sarcastically, getting laughs from most of the boys.
Dumbledore's voice boomed out over the hall, "Mr. Malfoy, I have every confidence that you are the lone upstanding member of your gender. Please go to your other appointment with Professor McGonagall."
"I am not. I need to be scared straight," Malfoy continued to protest.
But then Snape stepped into the entryway to the Great Hall and sent Malfoy a glaring look, which made Malfoy cower. Suddenly the laughter died. The boys whispered and pointed at Snape, then snuck glances back at Malfoy, likely wondering if Malfoy was about to be in trouble.
"Come on, Mr. Malfoy," McGonagall said, and this time, Malfoy went. Snape followed.
Without the threat of Snape, the chatter from the boys rose louder.
Dumbledore went back to calling out attendance over the din of gossip, skipping Malfoy's name when he got to the Ms. Then he called out, "Potter, Harry?"
I called back, "Here," and Dumbledore made a note on his scroll, before moving on to the next student.
Mandatory attendance for the boy seminar done, I slowly worked my way to the outskirts of the gathering. Then I ducked low under the far table, flung my invisibility cloak over myself, and was off to the Hospital Wing, where the girls were meeting.
Being a fast runner, I arrived just in time to see McGonagall and Snape depositing Malfoy amongst the girls and the girls looking at Malfoy, wondering what he was doing there. Again there was whispering and pointing, a clear sign of gossiping.
"But Professor Snape, I don't belong here," Malfoy protested once more.
"That's irrelevant," Snape replied. "Your father signed you up for this class. According to him, he already explained exactly how quick rapist are expelled from this school and that he'd much rather have grandchildren with clean bottoms. Stay and learn something. If you do not stay for the entirety of today's lessons, I will personally give you detention for a month."
Maybe Snape wasn't all bad; he was doing his best to give Malfoy an excuse for being in the girl's class instead of the boy's class. But I saw through it and knew that Malfoy was being forced into this class, because he'd gotten his period and was capable of getting pregnant.
Malfoy looked pissed, crossed arms and glowering, but he took a seat with the other female students. There wasn't a seat for me, so I sat down on the floor in the back corner, unnoticed under my cloak.
Snape and McGonagall left and Sprout went back to her roll-call. "Malfoy, Draco?" she called.
"Here," Malfoy grumbled.
"Good. That's everyone. Let's get started," Sprout said. Then she began by telling us about her personal experiences, two to be exact, with pregnancy. She said it was miserable and hard, but at the end she got two beautiful babies out of it and she wouldn't trade them for anything. Then she went over the stages of pregnancy and the many awful symptoms one could typically expect. That was followed with a lecture on babies, including their development and what attention demanding, time hogging, pains they were.
Then there was a break for lunch. Ron, having been in the Great Hall all morning, already had a plate full of roast chicken legs he was devouring when Hermione and I sat down next to him.
Ron took a break from swallowing, to say with a mouth full of chicken, "Merlin Harry, you chose the wrong seminar to miss. Dumbledore went over contraceptive charms and lubrication charms. We're all practically masters at sex now!"
"I thought you were meant to have a lecture on rape and the associated penalties," Hermione said, leaning in front of me to say it directly to Ron.
Ron waved a hand and swallowed. "We did that first. We spent half an hour on the penalties, after half an hour on what constituted which types of sexual assault. The rest of the morning was on sex. Capital S E X. Never thought I'd hear that from Dumbledore, but the wizard knows his sex magic."
"I can't believe it! Why would Dumbledore teach the lot of you how to do sex magic, when word is Snape spends fifth, sixth, and seventh year lecturing on how it's not supposed to be done until marriage?" Hermione asked.
"Well it doesn't matter, because Hermione and I still had the better lecture. We learned the theory on how to handle a pregnancy and a baby and after lunch, we're going to learn the spells," I bragged, before taking a large bite of my own piece of chicken.
"I thought I saw an aberration of light after Malfoy came in. But you know, Harry, you won't get to learn the spells properly if you keep hidden after lunch. You need to practice them, if you want to really be able to do them," Hermione said.
"Don't know why Harry would want that," Ron put in.
"Because I want to have children someday and I don't want to leave it up to my spouse to do all the taking care of the baby," I replied.
Hermione smiled at that, patted me on the back, and said, "Well said, Harry. Besides, Ron, I heard George and Fred talking just now and they said the boys spend their afternoons going over sexy scenarios that aren't reciprocated and how to know when to back off."
"Sounds boring to me. Besides, Muggles have sex all the time and they don't need spells to do it," I concluded.
Ron said something through a mouth so stuffed with chicken that I couldn't understand it.
While Ron was talking through his chicken, I noticed a commotion over at the Slytherin table. Draco Malfoy, Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle, and Blaise Zabini had all stood up and were yelling at each other. I couldn't hear what was being said at first, but a hush started to fall over the Great Hall, including Ron, who stopped in the middle of whatever it was he was saying, and then I could hear.
"—a bloody girl! I knew something was wrong when you lied about me cursing you when you were bleeding, but I didn't realize that you were a girl!" Crabbe snarled.
"I am not a girl!" Malfoy yelled back.
"That's right, because he's a bloody Fairy!" Goyle said with a laugh.
Malfoy took a swing at Goyle, but Zabini pulled him back and he missed.
Theo Nott jumped up, looking ready to intervene, but Zabini seemed to have it under control.
"I am not a Fairy!" Malfoy exclaimed. "A Fairy is a tiny two-inch magical creature with wings. I do not have wings! I am a person! A wizard. I'd say that I'm the same as the two of you, only we're not the same. One of us has a brain and the others do not."
"Are you calling me stupid?" Goyle asked angrily.
"No, I am calling both you and Vince stupid," Malfoy corrected.
And that was it. Both Crabbe and Goyle stepped forward, wands drawn and casting. Zabini jerked Malfoy out of the way, putting himself in front of Malfoy, just as Nott stepped into Crabbe's path, wand drawn. Zabini cast a shield charm just in time to counter the hex Crabbe sent. Daphne Greengrass got into the fight too, casting an Expelliarmus at Goyle, without even getting up from the bench.
Slytherin Prefects rose, casting Expelliarmus at the lot of fourth years. Snape stormed over, robes billowing, to collect the wands and assign detentions. He didn't take any house points though, citing the quick action of the Slytherin prefects for preventing the fight from escalating. Snape ordered Crabbe and Goyle to sit on one end of the Slytherin table and Malfoy to sit on the other. Then it was over, the Slytherins settled down, and everyone went back to eating and gossiping about what just happened.
An envoy came over to our table from the Ravenclaw table, to say that the fight was about why Malfoy was with the girls and not the boys today. With that new tidbit, Crabbe and Goyle had finally put two and two together and decided that Malfoy had gotten his own room, because Malfoy was a Fairy. Malfoy had denied it, but the evidence was piling up. People still remembered the bloody robes in Transfigurations and with today being our annual health seminar, periods were on the students' minds. It seemed to me that Malfoy was found out and there was nothing that could be done now, other than accept it and move on.
After lunch, I left my invisibility cloak off and walked with the girls to the Hospital Wing. Hermione held my hand for support and just as we approached the doorway, she whispered, "You can do this Harry. If Malfoy is allowed to switch, so can you."
"You are in the wrong class, Mr. Potter," Madam Pomfrey said as I walked into the Hospital Wing.
"Yeah, um, about that. I don't want to learn any more boring sex spells. I want to have children. Could I switch? You've let Malfoy switch, so I should be able to switch too," I said, less confident at the beginning, and more confident at the end.
"You actually want to be in the miserable class?" Malfoy asked with a laugh.
"Yes, I do. I don't see why I need to learn spells to have sex, when Muggles don't need them. And like I said, I want children. Lots of them. I might even like to be a stay-at-home dad. They do that sometimes in the Muggle world," I replied.
"I don't see a problem with it, Poppy. Dumbledore told me Mr. Potter snuck out of his class this morning and warned me that I might see him popping up here in mine," Sprout said from the front of the room, where she was organizing pamphlets.
"How did Dumbledore know?" Hermione whispered by my side.
"Doesn't matter. I'm going with it," I whispered back. Then I raised my voice and spoke to Pomfrey. "See? No problem. And if you don't have a practice doll for me, Hermione's willing to share."
"You can have mine," Malfoy shouted out, hand indicating the doll in front of him.
"No, Mr. Malfoy. Your father's letter indicated that he plans on marrying you off to a witch who plans on having a career. You as well will be the 'stay-at-home dad,' as Mr. Potter put it," Sprout said, giving Malfoy a bit of an excuse to be here.
Malfoy huffed, but said no more.
"Poppy, could you put out an extra doll for Mr. Potter?" Sprout asked.
Pomfrey agreed and that settled it. I was given a life-sized newborn doll and allowed to practice right next to Hermione.
It turned out to be probably the most useful Health Education class I'd ever had. I left that class competent at changing nappies, checking temperatures, pureeing baby food, and baby proofing houses, all with spells. I could also change a baby's clothes, and hold and burp a baby, the Muggle way. Additionally, I had a pamphlet with which foods and potions were safe for babies and which ones were not, along with a book with the recipes for the safe baby potions. The spells we learned, along with a few extra, were also in the book, in case we forget. I planned on tucking that book away in my trunk to keep it safe.
I had a big smile on my face as Hermione and I walked into the Great Hall for dinner.
"How was girl class?" Ron asked as we sat down next to him. By the appearance of his plate, he'd already scarfed down half a lasagna.
"Wonderful. Sorry you missed it. Best class all year," I replied, helping myself to my own piece of lasagna.
"Perhaps it really would be better to have everyone just take the girl class," Hermione added, also smiling.
There was a commotion at the Slytherin table again. I looked up to see that Malfoy had approached the end where Crabbe, Goyle, Zabini, and Nott were all sitting.
"Just go to the other side, Draco. You don't want another detention," Nott was saying.
"No, I want all of you to know: I'm not the only boy who was in the Hospital Wing today. Harry Potter crashed the class," Malfoy announced loudly.
"So?" Crabbe asked.
"Yeah, what does that have to do with you being a poufy Fairy?" Goyle asked.
"I am not a Fairy. Potter and I were simply in the other class, because we want to be stay-at-home dads and sit on our lazy arses, while our wives do all the work," Malfoy replied.
Hearing this, I felt a bit proud of myself, glad I'd given him another excuse.
"Doesn't matter what Potter's playing at. You're still a Fairy," Crabbe concluded.
"Then Potter's a Fairy too. Why don't you go tell him that to his face?" Malfoy challenged.
Slowly, the heads of all the Slytherin fourth year boys swiveled to look at me watching them.
I stood up and said, "Er, if that's what you lot want to call sitting on my arse with a baby all day while my wife does all the work, like Malfoy said, then fine with me."
Neville, kind heart that he was, reached out to tug on my sleeve and whisper, "Harry! Fairy means something else in the Wizarding World!"
At the same time, a Slytherin prefect stood up and ordered Malfoy to sit at the other end of the Slytherin table. Both Nott and Zabini got up to go with Malfoy, leaving Crabbe and Goyle alone. The fourth year Slytherin girls all took seats on Malfoy's side, making it seem like Crabbe and Goyle were outed from Malfoy's gang, but otherwise, his gang was intact.
Later than evening, when Hermione and I were in the common room, she leaned into me and whispered, "You know Harry, I feel quite bad for Malfoy after today."
"Why's that? He got to go to the good class," I whispered back.
"Yes, but he's practically been outed as a Fairy to the entire school! He can keep denying it, but no one believes him. I wouldn't want to be outed like that, if it were me. And from the way it sounded, I don't think he wanted to be outed at all," she said.
I nodded, feeling bad for him as well. It was bad enough that he'd been born with a medical condition, worse that it was a condition involving his private parts, and not at all fair that now the entire school knew. "Dumbledore should've done something about it; let Malfoy sit in on the boy class and arrange private tutoring with Pomfrey," I replied.
"Harry, are you aware you just argued that Draco Malfoy should be given special treatment?" Hermione asked, a smirk quirking up the corner of one lip.
"Yeah, I am. In this case, he should've gotten special treatment," I insisted.
"I agree," she said.
In the days to come, I kept an eye out for the Slytherins and the divide seemed to be lasting. Crabbe and Goyle were no longer Malfoy's henchmen, forever at his side, but Malfoy still had the rest of the Slytherins in his year. I felt a little bad for him, because he'd obviously lost his two best friends and he clearly wasn't as close with the other Slytherins. But, a larger part of me was glad that Malfoy's little gang was permanently broken, hoping that maybe Malfoy wouldn't be such an arse without his sidekicks.
Author's Note: I've been thinking about doing a sex-ed scene in a story for a long time. I don't think I lived up to my own expectations, but I hope it's alright. Next, Harry will be asking Draco to the Yule Ball.
By the way, I am also working on another story, called Advantages of Foresight . In it, Draco is a psychic and can see his future unraveling in a direction he doesn't want to go down, but he has a plan to gain Harry's sympathy and change the future. Please Review!