I AM STUPID. Me. Rose freaking Weasley is stupid. Not like intellectually stupid. Oh no! I am one of the smartest in my family. Heck, I got the overall best achievements in Hogwarts since my mother, and we tied. But something is definitely wrong with my head.
There are not a lot of things I regret in my life. All, or most, of my decisions are calculated and sane. None of that could have been said about the decision I made the day before graduation. It was, without a doubt, far from sane.
I had sex with Scorpius Malfoy. As in, the ultimate Hogwarts sex god Scorpius Malfoy. As in, my cousin Al's best friend Scorpius Malfoy. As in, the son of my parents' Hogwarts enemy and son of former Death Eater Scorpius Malfoy. I cannot stress enough the fact that I slept with SCORPIUS MALFOY! Who am I?! And who the hell took over my brain the moment I agreed to have sex with him?!
You see, I pride myself in being a rational human being. But agreeing to give my virginity to Scorpius, thinking it will only be casual sex and that there will be no way I'll get hurt by it was not one of my rational decisions.
Not only did we have sex once. No… we continued having casual sex for about half a year!
The fateful evening was the day before graduation. I was doing a last walk of the grounds, being the sentimental person that I am. I was just walking to the astronomy tower when I heard voices. More specifically moans. Sex induced moans. I quickly turned around and started walking to the Ravenclaw tower. It got me thinking. I am a virgin. I will never have that sneaking around to have sex in the astronomy tower experience.
I had boyfriends before but I never felt comfortable with them to really have sex. I definitely did some heavy snogging and clothes were off, but I could never go all the way. I thought I should be in love with someone to have sex (at least for the first time that is) and I didn't feel that with any of them.
It actually really got me down. I didn't want to regret anything after graduation since I will not be coming back to Hogwarts the next year. But, graduation was tomorrow. I don't have the time to fall in love and have sex in school before graduation!
I reached the balcony near the Ravenclaw tower, the one looking down the black lake. I suddenly was overcome with a great feeling of sorrow. I just could not stop the tears. I felt sad about missing out on typical teenage experiences, but I was also sad about finishing school and going out to the real world.
I turned around and came face to face with Scorpius Malfoy. I immediately turned away so that he won't see me cry and started wiping at the tears rolling down my cheeks.
He came closer and stood beside me leaning on the rails.
"Are you sad about graduation?" he asked softly.
"Yeah. Stupid right? I should be happy to graduate and be an adult." I replied with an awkward laugh.
"No, I get it. I kind of feel sad myself. It's comfortable here. And I'm kind of worried that I won't be seeing my friends as often as I do now."
"Not that I'm complaining, but, you don't really talk to me. Ever." I said with an air of questioning.
"Yeah, and that's because you though I was this mean, arrogant Slytherin Malfoy to actually talk to me." He said smiling.
"I did not! And that did sound a bit arrogant."
We both let out a laugh.
"So why didn't you ever talk to me before?" he asked after a minute of silence.
"I did talk to you before, if you sat together with me and Al at meals or in class." I tried but failed to reason.
"Well, saying hello, pass me the potatoes or can I use those snake fangs, is not considered talking in my books." He argued.
"I guess I didn't really get close to you because of my dad. He isn't exactly fond of your father you know. And also, he always goes on about how he doesn't get how uncle Harry doesn't mind his son being friends with a Malfoy. One time, I think it was in third year, he said that he was relieved I wasn't friends with you and then he said to never get close to you." I said, looking wearily up to his eyes. He didn't say anything though he didn't seem surprised or angry.
"But, I didn't really listen to him. I don't think you are bad. I just, didn't even think we had much to talk about without Al there."
"I see your point." He finally answered.
We both looked on to the black lake and the mountains surrounding Hogwarts.
"So, what is the biggest regret you have of this place? Like, if you could do something more, one last experience before graduating. What would it be?" he asked.
Did he read my mind or is it that obvious that something is bothering me? Do I tell him the truth? He will probably laugh in my face.
"Umm... You'll think it's completely and absolutely ridiculous coming from me. And you will laugh!" I replied with a twinge of blush creeping up my cheeks.
"Now I'm intrigued. You have to tell me! Maybe it's not too late to make it happen." He said enthusiastically.
Ha ha! If only he knew. And he will.
"Ummm… well… how to say it… I don't really have that experience every Hogwarts seventh year girl has." I cringed. I really have no idea how to say it to him.
"Yeah… I have no idea what that means."
"You know…" I tried. Failing again. See a pattern?
"I would if you tell me." He sniggered. I knew he would have a laugh about this.
"The whole sneaking around having sex in the castle thing." I spit out as quickly as humanly possible. Now I couldn't even look at him and my face was completely on fire.
"Did the word sex just come out of your mouth?" he asked somewhat amazed. Well, that is definitely a first. Me. Making Scorpius Malfoy amazed.
No answer. I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. I was horrified. What the fuck did I tell him? And most importantly, why?
"Does that mean you're a virgin?" he asked quietly.
I just nodded my head. Afraid that if I opened my mouth I will say more things I will regret later. But then again, I already was regretting this.
"But, you had like, what? Two boyfriends? Surely you would have had sex with them."
"Actually I've had three boyfriends, but, I never felt like I could have sex with them." I answered truthfully. See, these are details I didn't even tell my cousins or anyone really.
"And why is that?"
"I think it will be a difficult concept for you to grasp." I replied cheekily.
"Oh. Try me." His eyes were gleaming and he had that endearing smirk on his face.
"There wasn't any love. I didn't feel like I was in love with any of them. I thought that there should be love involved when having sex." What a stupid notion love is.
"You are right. It is truly a most difficult notion for me to grasp." There is that smirk again, only now it got even bigger.
"Because" he went on, "there really is no need for love when having sex. It's purely physical and fun. It makes you feel alive. I think love just complicates things." He said thoughtfully.
"So I take it you've never been in love?" I asked him.
"No, I can't say I have."
Silence again. I gazed at the stars. Then realized this will be my last time gazing at these stars. What a soppy mess I am.
"I have a proposition for you. Probably a crazy one which you won't agree to." He looked at me.
"Okay." I replied tentatively.
"Oh! Brilliant then! You agree." He exclaimed.
"What?! No! I just meant okay, as in go on-" I panicked.
"Yes yes I know Weasley. I'm just messing with you." He cut me off before I had a heart attack. Merlin knows what he wanted me to agree to.
"So, It's our last night ever in Hogwarts. Tomorrow is the graduation ceremony and then we go home that afternoon on the train, never to return until our own kids will graduate in many, many years from now. And you haven't had sex. In the castle. Like any other seventh year girl as you pointed out. And then there is me, a perfectly fine male specimen, willing to sacrifice himself for the cause, being the dedicated fellow classmate I am. My humble proposition to you is to have sex with me. Now. No strings attached. No one has to ever know. Just helping out a friend in need. What do you say?"
Wow. What a monologue.
What does one say to that?! He makes it seem like this is no big deal. Just sex. Just a shag, with someone I must have exchanged words with a handful of times in the past seven years. If I say yes, take him up on his generous offer, won't I be considered a total slut?
Well, I guess we shall find out.
"You would really do that?" I asked.
"Why?" I asked dumfounded.
"It's sex. I don't really turn down sex except if it's with someone I'm not attracted to. Plus, when you lose your virginity it should be with someone that knows what they're doing so that you can enjoy it as well. Also, you are my best friend's best friend, and cousin. I will treat you with outmost respect. And no one shall know about this if you don't want to. You shouldn't have regrets leaving this place." He added.
He makes a good argument, I should probably award his speech with a shag, it's only fair right? I can see why girls throw themselves at him. He is dangerously handsome. He knows his way with words and flirting. And I don't doubt he KNOWS his way in bed.
"Okay." I replied.
"That is the best I can say really." He said looking down at me.
"No, I meant okay as in… I agree. I want to have sex with you. Now." Where did I find the courage to say that, Merlin knows. A true Gryffindor I am right?
"Let's go then." He took my hand and we headed the way I came.
Then he suddenly turned around to face me.
"Do you want to do it in the astronomy tower? Or an abandoned classroom? My bed?" he asked so casually he could have asked me how I liked my tea.
"Ummm… I think the astronomy tower..?"
"Classic. I like that." There is that smirk again. I might have let out a giggle.
We reached the tower and headed up. I didn't hear the couple I heard before. It was peacefully silent. I noticed my hand was still in Scorpius' hand. And truthfully, I didn't mind.
Thank you for reading! I have about half of the story already written but I would love your feedback in order to improve and make better and longer chapters. This is going to be a multipole chapter story, maybe around 20 chapters, who knows.