Chapter 3: Break Down
I had been thinking all the time about what Lily had said to me. I didn't know what to think anymore. I avoided my friends' stare at me when I spaced out.
"Em? Ems? Em!" I snapped out of my daydream when I realized James clicked his fingers in front of my face.
"Oh I'm sorry, what?" I asked him as I had missed out on most of the conversation.
"I asked, who you think will be this year's quidditch captain." He gave me an amused smile.
"I-I don't know, maybe Sirius or you?"
Shit, there he was again; I had to mention him everywhere, didn't I? Uhhh I am such an Idiot.
"You are unusually spacey today Em." Remus arched his eyebrow as he added.
"What? I am not!"
"Yes you are Ems. You have something on you mind.
You are twirling you hair around your finger constantly and looking up at the ceiling like it's the most beautiful thing in the world. Now spill, what's bothering you?"
Drat, this boy knew me too well. I knew he wasn't going to leave me alone till I gave him an answer. I cursed internally and took a deep breath, "James, do you think you can suddenly fall in love with a person you've known since you were eleven?"
He exchanged glances with Remus and they both smirked.
"Is this about someone we know?" James said cockily.
"A certain someone with the initials, SOB?" added Remus.
I scowled at them both, "You aren't going to make this easy for me, are you?"
"Nope, we are called the Marauders for a reason, Dear." James grinned.
"Fine. I am referring to Sirius, happy?" I said as I buried my face in my face.
"What provoked this sudden change in heart?"
"I-I don't know. I just- you guys were behaving very strange this whole time and kept repeating that I liked Sirius. I didn't believe it but I started having confusions. Then, when I saw him dancing with Marlene, I felt a bit jealous and I asked myself why? I'm just so confused now."
"Well Ems, this was bound to happen considering that you two were very close."
"And you understood each other the best."
They both added simultaneously, I wasn't getting what they were trying to say. This was so not helping me…
"Can you just make it a bit simpler?" I glared at them both.
They grinned a marauders' grin at me and continued.
"We're just saying that it was bound to happen since well-"
Remus started and then trailed off.
"Sirius likes you too." James finished the sentence.
My head started spinning and a dozen thoughts whirled inside my head, Is this what he was gonna tell me later? Is this why he was offended when I was pretending to flirt with James and had my friends known all along? Was this the reason they were giving me the strange behaviour? Were they trying to make me admit that I liked him too!?
The idea seemed absurd… yet I was happy, I don't know why, but I was.
But, then why hadn't he told me? Why was he with McKinnon? Why was he flirting with her and dancing with her right in front of me?!
No… my friends were mistaken, Sirius Black did not like anyone. He just wanted attention from all the females and was flirt no.1.
"Wait-Shut up- You're wrong he doesn't like me… If he would he wouldn't be dancing with Marlene." I scoffed as I turned to look at my friends.
"Ems, that's just-you know, he's being Sirius Black, he never admits his feelings and Marlene is just a distraction."
Part of me wanted to believe it was true, but other part of me thought otherwise.
He and I were best friends, how could he just possibly like me? I shook myself as angry tears started to fill up my eyes, how could I think of my best friend like this?! This would mean disrespecting my friendship and an understanding we had shared since we were eleven. I didn't want my friends to see me cry; I was a tough girl and had never cried in front of them. I was not an emotional fool and I have learned to control myself from feeling excessive emotions. I guess that's the effects of being a pureblood-you don't show your emotions…
"Ems, are you okay?" Remus asked me, his eyes full of concern. Clearly they both had seen me shake.
I put up my face in a smile and said, "Yeah I'm fine. I just don't think Sirius thinks of me that way. We're just best friends, that's all. He and I share a bond and an understanding; he was never serious enough to actually be with girls. I was just stupid for letting my feelings develop."
Both of them looked taken aback and then James said, "No-Ems, he likes you-really. He told us himself and you too have done nothing wrong by liking him."
"James, I don't think that's true. He would have told me. Perhaps I would have believed it if he had told me himself… But, you have to promise me that this conversation will remain between the three of us." I fiercely looked at them.
"We promise." They both added, their faces filled with disappointment.
"Thank you, I should just go to my room and get some sleep." I stood up and got ready to leave.
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Remus asked.
'Yeah Moony, I will be fine. I just need time to think things through and forget…" I smiled slightly at him.
I needed to get out of here quickly…
"Night Ems" James said and he kissed my forehead.
I wished goodbye to my friends as they were almost leaving and hurried to my room. I closed the door and locked it. Then, I sunk to the floor and started sobbing lightly.
How? How could I have been so stupid?!
I had betrayed our friendship by even thinking something like this!
Hot tears filled my eyes and I continued sobbing silently. Then I heard a voice inside my head…
I wasn't surprised as I was a Legilimens and it was common for someone like me to have other peoples' emotions inside their head. But, I was a bit startled as I hadn't experienced these voices in a very long time…
The voice echoed in my head loudly and I jerked upwards.
I struggled to find the source of the voice but vision was blurring. The voice was right, I had been pathetic and I was crying about it rather than doing something, horrible images crossed my mind and I dropped to my feet. I couldn't help it, to release the pain, I shouted, with all my strength that it must have shaken the whole house. My powers grew out of control and the windows were blasted off, the glass in them shredding to dust. The bed flipped and everything grew out of place and everything was levitating, prepared to be crushed. I tried to stop the destruction but I couldn't. Suddenly there was a loud bang on my door and no sooner a voice shouted, "Ems! Open the door! Are you okay!?"
Sirius was shouting at the door, but I didn't move, I couldn't move. I looked around myself and realized how much destruction I had caused. I didn't want anyone to see me like this, I wanted to stay locked in the room forever…"
The James also shouted, "Ems open the door, damn it!"
I stayed at the same place, in my crouched position, my face in my hands and my hair all over my face. I heard a loud bang and saw James and Sirius rush towards me. Behind them were the rest of my friends but they looked too terrified to come near me. Then I saw, Lily and Remus come in as well.
Sirius came and began sitting next from me but I moved away from him, "Get away from me! I- I don't want to hurt you, Stay away all of you!" I shouted at them as they came near to me.
"Ems, what's the matter?" James asked in a calm tone.
"What happened, tell us. You scared the shit out of us." Sirius added, I could his eyes filled with horror.
"Em, you're not going to hurt us, tell us what happened." Lily added, she too looked terrified but was trying to keep calm."
"It's okay Ems, calm down." Remus added.
I looked at my friends, their eyes were full of concern, I didn't want to hurt them, I could tell by their faces they were scared. I stood up, straightened my clothes, wiped my face and put on a mask, "Nothing is wrong, I-I just had a breakdown."
I am REALLY SORRY GUYS!
I know this update is waaay too late but I had to go somewhere urgently and my internet wasn't working.
Please don't kill me!
Also this chapter is filled with a lot of suspicion. Give me your guesses about the next chapter in the reviews.