Skating Away Chapter One
He was thirty five, single and alone. He had a chance at happiness and he let it slip away, as well as helping another persons happiness slip away as well. He was Harry Potter and his life sucked. Has as long as he could remember.
Every one knew his history and though they looked at him as their savior, he looked at it as a wasted journey. He lost the woman he loved because of his need to be a hero. His best friend lost the one who would have made a better mate than the one taken. Now, he sat there a drunken nobody, with no friends or family.
Music was playing in the background, but he wasn't paying attention to it. He was lost in the dream he played over and over in his mind, where he got the woman he loved and didn't lose her to a rival. Instead, he was living this nightmare he built for a life. He thought back to his final school year which was spent on a hunt with his two best friends. Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger joined him on his hunt for the Horcruxes Albus Dumbledore sent them on. He thought it best to do it alone for fear of confiding in the wrong person for help. He used Peter Pettigrew as an example. This was enough for Harry to believe him. Once again, Dumbledore steered them wrong. They desperately needed help because of how lost they were. Not in the where they were, but where they were with the search. Nowhere. They found the necklace by sheer luck, but didn't know how to destroy it. If Harry had prepared better, he would have one of the Basilisk fangs from the Chamber.
Right from the start, he knew the year was going to be bad, losing Hedwig and Alastor Moody in his attempt to escape from #4. George was hurt as well, losing an ear to a close call with a spell. Another inch and they would have lost George as well.
Then Harry, Ron and Hermione were captured after they found the Sword of Gryffindor and used it to destroy the necklace. They only got away by Dobby giving his life for their escape. He also saved, Luna Lovegood, Dean Thomas, Mr. Ollivander and Griphook, the Goblin from the Bank.
From there it got worse, as they almost died when Griphook turned on them when they tried to get a cup from Bellatrix LeStrange's vault. They used a Dragon for their escape there, which took them to Hogmeade.
From there everything went sour and many more lives were lost because Harry didn't move fast enough. That was his way he thought of it, anyway. No on else did, but to Harry, they were all wrong. They lost 51 in the final battle to include, Remus and Tonks Lupin, Fred Weasley, Severus Snape and Colin Creevy.
For Harry, it didn't get any better as Ginny, the woman he loved refused to come back to him and instead, went on to play for the Harpies for five years, then married Dean Thomas. She had one child with him, when he decided she wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want a wife, just a constant bed partner to come home to after a drunken night with his friends Seamus Finnigan and Ron Weasley. Ron was married to Hermione. Now they were all about to be divorced and Hermione and Ginny would be unwed mothers. Harry didn't try to get back with Ginny or try to get with Hermione.
Ginny never married again and Hermione married Anthony Goldstein three years after her divorce from Ron.
With the inheritance he got from Sirius Black and his own parents, he didn't have to work, and he didn't, since he didn't want to be found out in the public. In fact, he never went outside after his visit to Gringotts for the reading of the wills. Harry also wrote out his will and left everything to Hogwarts, should he never marry. It was not his intention to do so, after being turned away by Ginny. There were letters sent to him, but he never read them or answered them. After four years, even these stopped, so he had no contact with the outside world. Kreacher did all of his outdoor work or needs.
Kreacher never worried about his master, as he would take care of his every need that he could. There were some he could not help him with and he did worry about those, but he never saw his master feel the need to fill these. He never saw how pale Harry had become or, how weak he looked. It never occurred to Kreacher that Harry was trying to kill himself slowly. Harry did not want to go on any further. He wanted Kreacher to leave him alone about eating and drinking. He wanted nothing to do with sunlight and fresh air. He wanted nothing to do with anything healthy.
Harry did follow Ginny's career through the Prophet, but never went to a game.
Harry did miss the friendship he shared with all his friends, like Hermione, Ron, Ginny and Luna Lovegood, but did not pursue it once he left Hogwarts. He received letters from Hermione and Luna for two years, and just Luna for another two years, but they also ended when he didn't reply back. He knew Luna had married an unknown in Rolf Scamander and she had a set of twins through him. He did read a few letters, but got most of his information through either the Prophet or the Quibbler.
For the past two years he had no contact with any news source as he dropped both papers. He was ready to move on to the next great adventure that Albus Dumbledore always spoke of. He wished to meet his parents and friends he lost because of the war.
Harry felt his time was near and he would soon be leaving this plain for the next. He never told Kreacher this so he wouldn't try to stop it from happening. He had letters written for Kreacher to send to his friends upon his death and he didn't hold back on his thoughts to any of them. He told Ron what an arse he had become after the war and the way he treated Hermione. He told Hermione she was foolish to set her sights on Ron, because of his stupid pride and his childish insecure attitude. He thought more of her than Ron did, but he could never show it because of her fascination. He also told her he hoped Anthony treated her better. To Luna, he told her she was the one person who showed more sense than the others combined. He told her he was proud to have known her and wished he had met her sooner than he did.
Then he wrote the one to Ginny. He told her he was sorry for the way he treated her and dumping her like he did. He also told her he didn't see Dean turning his back on her, to her brother and Seamus like he did. He didn't know what caused it but he was sure it wasn't her. He hid these in a locked drawer and knew Kreacher would open it once he was gone. As long as Harry lived, Kreacher would keep out if it was locked or hidden.
Now all Harry had to do was wait for his time to come. He was more than ready to see people he missed so much but couldn't because of where they were. Of course he had been waiting for two years and he was still with the living. He wished he had perished when Tom hit him with the death spell there at the end. He hated the waiting he was going through. Now he was thinking of taking his own life to get it over with, but he didn't think the ones on the other side would forgive him if he did. He never even thought that what he was doing now was the same thing. He also didn't know that he was being watched by a very powerful force and that this force was getting upset at what he was doing.
Albus Dumbledore's next great adventure was to guide the heroes of the second war to their final resting place. However, Harry was meant for something else. Once Harry parted ways with Ginny, this changed everything. Harry never recovered after the final battle and was wasting away from self pity and ignorance. The ignorance was his lack of attempts to gain Ginny back. His self pity was knowing it was all because of him that he was where he was today.
It got so bad that Albus had to go to his spiritual leader to get the OK to end Harry's current life and have him either start over or change what had occurred once the fight was over. He was turned down on both suggestions. He had to wait for Harry to die naturally.
Harry finally gave in to death about twenty years after the fall of Voldemort, and his story was told on the front page of the Prophet. It told how Harry lived his final years in seclusion that he brought upon himself. It told of how, when he died, so did his house elf Kreacher. It told the entire story of his school years and his friendships. It told of his enemies and his troubled home life before he was finally able to leave it behind.
Harry's funeral had many well wishers, beside what friends he had left. Hermione, Ginny, Luna and Neville were all that showed for his friends. Ron, Dean and Seamus decided to pass on the event. Not because they didn't like him, but they knew who was going to be there and they didn't want to cause a scene at such a solemn occasion.
The four that were there had to hold each other as they shed the tears they couldn't hold back. They knew what Harry did in his final years, but it didn't take away from what they felt. Ginny was the most effected because she still loved Harry and wished he had approached her after her divorce from Dean. She wanted to tell Harry that just because she didn't get right back with him that she wanted him to stop trying. She wanted to make it tough on him after what she went through the past year. When he didn't and Ginny went off to play for the Harpies, she forgot about him and when Dean and her started dating again, when he asked, she accepted the proposal. She didn't know how Dean felt about being dumped in his sixth year. Their marriage never went anywhere. He joined Ron in the Leaky Cauldron, where Seamus worked. That was the end of both Ginny's and Hermione's marriages.
Harry was somehow, allowed to watch his funeral and he was even hearing what was said, and this upset him because of Ginny's words to Luna and Hermione. Then it all went blank and Harry found himself in a large hallway, standing in front of a large set of double doors. He didn't know if he was to enter or knock, so he knocked and didn't hear a reply, so he knocked again. The double doors opened this time and a strange little fellow asked him what he wanted.
"I just wanted to know why I'm hear and if this is where I am supposed to be?"
"You're here, aren't you? Then this is where you are supposed to be. However, when it is your turn, we will call you in, so go take a seat across the hall and don't knock again. It's very distracting to those inside."
"Could you tell me what's going on inside, so I can be prepared?"
"No, and don't ask again, especially once you get inside. If you were meant to know, then you would have been told. Now, go sit down and wait your turn." and the doors closed quietly in his face. Harry turned and went to the seats he was told to go to.
There were no clocks to see or anything else around to tell him the time, so it was a guess he made as to how long it took for Harry to be brought inside. Once there, he figured eighteen hours. However who was there intrigued Harry more. He was sitting in front of all the people who died during the war, including his parents. Was he on trial for some reason? Why his family and friends as his judges, or jury? He looked to all of them, but received no response from any of them, including his parents.
The lady who escorted Harry in got his attention, "Please stand Mr. Potter and give your full name and age."
"Everyone here knows my name and should know my age."
"Mr. Potter, answer the request."
"My name is Harry James Potter and I was 39 years old at the time of my death."
One of the people sitting before him asked, "How did you die Mr. Potter?" it was his mother that asked the question.
"I died of Nat..."
"Do not lie to us Mr. Potter."
Harry knew then that they knew everything. "I died from a form of suicide. I starved myself and instead, drank myself into a stupor. I hid it from my care taker."
Lily once again asked the next question, "Why did you feel it necessary to take your own death?"
"Because I had ruined everything in my life so much, no one wanted anything to do with me."
"How did you think you did this?"
"Because of the people I loved all failed with their loved ones. I think it was me that was the reason."
"You either think so little of yourself, or you think too much of yourself, so which is it?" Lily asked again
"Why do you all appear before me as my family or friends? Are you truly my parents or godfather or uncle?"
"Why do you ask that?"
"Because I don't feel my mother would ever treat me like Lily is treating me. She is treating me like it was indeed all my fault."
"Isn't that what you just told us? How should we be treating you?"
"With care and understanding. With love and respect."
"What you missed from your past realm. Miss Weasley didn't come back to you from the start, after the battle, and you didn't pursue the matter, did you?" Lily was tearing Harry up.
"She made it quite clear that she wanted nothing to do with me."
"Did she say she never wanted to see you again?"
"She didn't have to, I could hear it in her voice."
"What you heard was grief, fear and shock, not a total dismissal. You were afraid to approach her again because of your failing the family, or what you thought was failing them."
"Am I on trial here? If so, then why are you using people I loved as my judges."
"We use the people you know because of what we find in your mind. Do you remember in your third year what I taught you in Defense class?"
"Are you telling me you are all Boggerts?"
"If that is the way you want to think of us. But we are not them. We are us and to see our true form would be more than your mind could stand. We try to make it as easy on you as possible."
"The one portraying my mother is practically accusing me of a crime. Not a one of you thinks of me as good. You all think of me as weak."
"We do not think of you as bad, but we do you find you weak. How else would you explain suicide as a way out?"
"One time I was weak and I am being tried for that. What about my time in school, where I did all that I did?"
"So, you thought you were strong at all times when you were in school?" Lily attacked him once again.
"No, of course not, but I was young and unsure of myself. Surely you couldn't blame me for that?"
"Why not, you did. You were so unsure of yourself, you put the blame on Professor Dumbledore when things didn't go your way."
"But he was the reason that Cedric, Sirius and He died. He held back information from me that could have saved all their lives. He didn't tell me why I had to be in that damned Tournament, He didn't tell me about the Prophecy. He didn't tell me about his spell damage that finally killed him, or would have killed him if it wasn't for Professor Snape. And then he didn't tell me why he killed him. It would have made sense if he had. Because of it, I didn't trust Professor Snape in the end."
"Please Mr. Potter, you never trusted Severus Snape the entire time you were at Hogwarts. Whether he made it difficult or not, he was a Professor and he was good at it, as you found out from the Potions book you borrowed from Professor Slughorn, But we are not here about the Professors at school, we are here about you. You hate to hear about your faults and are quick to pass on your own thoughts about the faults of others."
"I knew I had faults, as Hermione was always reminding me. We all had our faults, that is all except for one."
"Who might that have been?"
"You seem to know everything else about me. Surely you must know who was the most truthful, caring person of my past?"
"Humor us Mr. Potter."
"Truthfully, why am I here now in front of you? Luna Lovegood was my perfect friend. She was there when I needed her the most. She cared about how I felt. I wish that I had met her when she started school. She was so truthful she hurt me at times, but it made me realize that most of what hurt, was of my own making. She showed me I had friends that cared about me, but had problem of their own they had to deal with. I could have loved her if she would have let me, but she felt I was meant for someone else. That was when Ginny and I got together."
"Yes, Ginny. You really messed up with her, didn't you?" Lily was messing with Harry's mind big time.
"Why can't you see why I did it? Why couldn't she see why I did it? I had lost everyone I ever loved because I got too close to them. I couldn't let that happen to Ginny."
"Didn't she tell you that she was on Tom's wish list to die?"
"She didn't put it like that, She said that because her family didn't think like Tom did, made the Weasleys traitors to his cause. It didn't mean she was going to die because of it."
"But you felt that someone was going to die in the family though, correct?"
"Well, yes I knew this, but I thought it was going to be Molly when she killed Bellatrix LeStrange. Tom was extremely upset at that. I got lucky with my shield to protect her. Of course I already knew that Fred had died. Ginny almost died as well. That was why Molly fought Bella."
Then one he hadn't heard from spoke up, "All this is getting us no where. It is time to bring up why Mr. Potter is here." and the others agreed, except for Lily.
"I think he has to see the errors of his ways before we approach that."
"He has seen most of them now and there is nothing much we can add to it. No, I think he should be told now."
Lily knew she was out voted and conceded to the others.
"OK, now that we are all in agreement, let's continue on. Mr. Potter, you saw what happened to everyone you loved after the final battle. How messed up everyone became. We all feel this was because of you. Just because Ginny refused to talk with you just after the fight, you deserted everyone. Ginny was left to marry Mr. Thomas, who didn't feel the same about her since she left him for you."
"Am I here because I didn't marry Ginny?"
"That is just a part of it Mr. Potter. You also left Ron and Hermione Weasley, leaving them to figure out there troubles, which Hermione always went to you when they became unbearable. With you not there, she couldn't take it anymore when Ron began going to the bar with his brother in law to drown his problems."
"Ron was always weak and insecure. I didn't think the marriage would last from the start. I tried talking to Hermione, but she wouldn't listen to a word I said. She thought she could work with Ron to get him past his problems, but she was the biggest part of them. Ron couldn't take her constant bickering about his passion for Quidditch, Chess and eating. He got worse as the marriage moved along, until he got fed up and started going to the pub with Dean and Seamus"
"See, there you go again putting the blame on others, when you could have stepped in and put a stop to it all, by using compromise. But with Hermione getting married, Luna getting married, then Ginny getting married, you gave up on them all. Why Mr. Potter?" Lily was getting worse as time went on.
"What do you want me to say, that it was all my fault because of the problems they all shared. I didn't tell any of them to get married. And Luna met her perfect match, so there was nothing wrong there. Why even bring her up?"
"Because you loved her and didn't tell her. You loved Ginny and let her go. You knew Hermione was making a mistake and you let her go through with it." Lily was persistent.
"Why are you doing this to me? Why take the form of my mother and treat me like I was evil. My mother would never treat me like that." Harry was actually shedding tears as he said this.
"Everything we have said to you is the truth and you know it. We are not trying to hurt you Mr. Potter, we are trying to point out things that could be changed to correct them."
"How could you change them if they already happened, and why do you think it was all me?"
"We told you why, Mr. Potter, and we will not change them."
"OK, you told me what you saw, but not how I saw it, and why bring up change if you aren't going to make them?"
"That is for others to decide. We are a fact finding team and we present our findings to the decision makers, who you will be meeting next."
"Oh great, another two years of questions and probes. How long do I have to wait to see them?"
"They will see you when your case comes up. Do not bother asking anyone when as they will not know."
The next thing Harry knew, he was alone in the chambers again and the Aide lead him back to his room he had for the night.
He didn't know how long he was there, when the Aide came to get him for a meal. He ate alone, and the food was once again excellent. He got up and the Aide was right there with him when he got up and lead him back to the chambers where he had to wait to be announced for entry. He was ready for another long wait, when she was back out and told him to enter.
There was no one in the room when he was ready to take his seat, but the Aide kept him up. There was a bright flash and three figures sat at the long bench that held the last five figures. They had Harry to take a seat as they looked over the files that sat before them. Together they looked up at him which made Harry very nervous. He finally had enough and spoke up, "Why am I here, and why is this taking so long to tell me where I am going?"
"Add impatient to the list." and all three started writing.
The one to the left looked like Albus Dumbledore, and it was to him that Harry asked his next question, "Professor Dumbledore, is that you?"
"Ah Harry, good to see you lad. Good to see you remember me. This time you are seeing who you think you are." and that was all he said.
Then the central figure spoke up again, "These are not serious facts we see before us, but they do need our attention. To answer your questions Mr. Potter, you are here to correct a wrong. It is taking this long, because things had to happen back on your world in order for them to be corrected."
"So you are going to fix them then?
"No Mr. Potter, We are not going to fix them, you are."
"Me? How am I going to fix them? I'm dead, remember?"
"Yes, for now you are, however, we are going to change all that, but after we make a few modifications to your memory. You will not see them, until you are ready to use them. You will not even know they are there until then."
"What type of modifications will you be making? And will they change me in any way?"
"We cannot tell you because you are not suppose to know, but we can tell you, you will be changed to become the person you were meant to be, with who you will have around you. You will know who was meant to be with who and see the mistakes you made and correct them as they come up, but not until then."
"So, you're sending me back in time?"
"More like Skaing you back in time, along the frozen river of time. It will let you off at the right time and you will have forgotten everything that went on here and all you have met, except your Aide. She will be monitoring your progression. Do you have any questions?"
"Will I know her back then?"
"No, but you don't need to know her either."
"Will she be a new person I meet, or one I already know?"
"Sorry, we can't answer that."
"When will I be going back?"
"As soon as your modifications are made."
"Will I know it's happening?"
"How far am I going back?"
"Far enough to make your corrections."
"Will it change the outcome of the war?"
"It better, or the next time you see us, it will be the last time you see us."
"OK, that didn't sound good. When do the modifications begin?" and that was the last thing Harry remembered of the meeting.
He didn't know if anything changed, but he felt and thought the same when it all began. He was in the room they put him in and the female attendant was his guide again. Another meal was first and then he was taken to a small room where someone was waiting for his visit.
Harry took a seat and then he was asked several questions about his prior life. They were different then the ones asked in the chamber. They were more friendly and welcomed. With each answer he gave he felt a slight probe in his mind, as if the person was looking for lies. Harry told nothing but the truth that he knew it to be. He didn't think about his subconscious hiding a different truth.
After about a dozen questions, the man finally put his pen down, "Well Mr. Potter, are we ready to begin?"
"Since the moment a entered. Why the second round of questioning?"
"I had to separate the truth from the wishes. You had a few truths that were only in your mind, but not factual in application. We try to be thorough here, before we administer any type of modification. Since you say you are ready, I shall begin your modification. You will be asleep during the process and when you waken, you will see no difference to your mind. But it will be there. It will also take several visits to complete it." and as he talked, Harry felt himself falling asleep. When he woke up, he didn't feel any different than before. He didn't even remember being told this. It was done to him seven more times before he was told he was through with the modifications. Now he had to wait to be sent back to wherever he was going.
During the modification period, the judging group talked about the best time to send him back. One thought the beginning was best, but something happened there that needed to be done. Another thought three of his schooling, but it was turned down because someone was there that most felt should not have been there. Finally, it was decided because it was a way to drop someone that needed to be left behind. It was the one sure way for Harry to start his repairing his past.
When Harry woke up the next time, it would be in the past and the start of his skating into his new future.