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Harry Potter And The Prank Wars
Fred W. & George W. & Harry P. & Hermione G. - Words: 12,990 - Rated: T - English - Friendship & Humor - Chapters: 3 - Updated: 16-04-2018 - Published: 12-04-2018 - Complete - by mindependent (FFN)

I am warning you all- read this story only in a place you can laugh freely. You might die if you keep it inside.


Chapter 1:

Gonna Prank 'Em

Two people all clothed in black were sitting in a small, dingy room huddled together. A cauldron was sitting on the fire and had some slimy green contents in it that was boiling. Several small bubbles were appearing on the green liquid's surface before disappearing the next moment. A light green fume was coming out of the cauldron which had a very unpleasant smell.

Both the people were wearing black masks and had black piece of handkerchief around their head. They had hidden a huge portion of their identity and rather looked like some Satanic-cult enthusiasts performing an autopsy of the brewing cauldron. The atmosphere of the room was humid and dark.

The only source of light was the fire on which the cauldron was sitting and a small lantern perched precariously on the hook at the wall that was flickering at regular intervals, as if demanding vehemently for more fuel.

The room was clustered and rather weird objects were strewn everywhere on the floor, on the little table sitting in the corner and even lying all around the brewing cauldron. A broom had been clearing the mess both the people were making and sweeping aside the waste objects.

Unfortunately, the frequency and time duration of the occurrence of another waste product thrown carelessly and one other mess was so irregular yet frequent that the broom had given up and was now dozing peacefully near the chair which was watching it continuously, without moving its eyeballs.

Well, one another reason for the chair to not move its eyeballs was that both the witches extraordinaire were throwing stuffs into the fire as if they were having a competition between themselves- Who can throw more dangerously? Once a small speck of fire had landed near its front-left leg and almost burned it, had it been any less cautious.

"Finely cut roots of tupesum plant especially grown in Nigeria", a distinctly concentrated girl's voice came from one of the person.

"Here", another male voice sounded and he handed the girl some small pointed black things that looked like ash.

The tupesum roots went into the cauldron and an orange fire erupted in it that went down after few seconds.

"Black Honey from Australia", the girl said again and the boy reached to over the table to pass it to the girl. It also went into the cauldron giving birth to another orange fire.

"Furs from an evil cat", the voice asked and the boy passed some grayish-white furs wrapped in a parchment.

"Furs from the evilest cat", he snickered and girl just raised her eyebrows at him.

"Milk of ten cows from India", another demand came.

The boy carefully passed ten small vials and they all went into the cauldron one by one. By now, the liquid had turned dirty white.

"Dragon nails who lives in Arctic", one more order and the boy passed several long pointed nails with a "That was the hardest to acquire", which too went into the peculiar concoction that was being created.

A few more weird items were put into the cauldron, some of which included- scarab shells, armadillo bile, lizard's tail, octopus's skin, fillet of a snake, eye of a newt, toe of a frog, furs from a bat, a dead cockroach, apple juice, cotton candy and a stolen muggle object from a witch.

The boy dumped the last object into the cauldron oh not so surreptitiously himself without passing it to the girl.

"What was that?" the girl asked suspiciously.

"Oh, nothing much! Your toothbrush", the boy said grinning, "I stole it yesterday."

"What?" came an indignant voice from the girl and the boy just shrugged.

"Oh come on, Hermione! Like I am going to find another witch with a muggle object I can steal from", the boy said in a matter-of-fact voice and the girl just huffed.

"Now we have to wait for ten minutes and then stir the mixture for twelve times counterclockwise. After that we have to add the tomato sauce in it", the girl said in her best lecture voice that she had developed when she was three years old.

Just hearing about the sauce, the boy's stomach growled loudly and he blushed furiously. The girl raised her eyebrows at him and chuckled loudly.

"What?" the boy snapped, "I am hungry okay. Didn't eat anything all day. You have trapped me here for eight hours and I did not even take the breakfast this morning", He muttered wistfully.

"And whose fault was that mister?" the girl said amused and then tried to mimic the boy's voice as appropriately as she could, "Hermione we have to teach Malfoy a lesson. He poured something in my cauldron that day during Snape's lesson. I did nothing wrong. It was not my fault that my potion exploded and half of the students turned colorful."

Hermione then said in her original serious voice, "Harry, I know that it was not your fault. Draco was the one who made your potion explode. I saw it too. You know you can never expect Professor Snape to punish Slytherins even if they are at the wrong. But this is not the way to teach Draco a lesson".

Harry exhaled loudly, "I know Hermione, I know. But we have to do something. This is getting out of hands. He made fool of me that day. Who is to say that he will not attack me any other day, or even you, or anybody else. I know that I can fight him, you can fight him but not everybody else can.

Before Hermione could say anything else, Harry cut her off, "And don't you try to refute my sentence Hermione. You know it as well as I do that sometimes you have to kill the snake before it can bite you".

"And I do not mean it literally, Hermione. You know I would never kill anybody, no matter how rude or arrogant they are", Harry hurriedly said after seeing the horrified look on Hermione's face.

"However, I am not entirely opposed to inflicting a little pain and a huge bruise to ego", Harry said grinning and Hermione could not help but smile.

Suddenly the cauldron started bubbling violently and Hermione rushed furiously to scoop a big spatula and began to stir the mixture slowly.

"Harry add three drops of the silvermoon flower's oil, fast", Hermione said pointed to a vial in a concerned voice and Harry did so as directed. He added three drops from the blue vial and the mixture stopped bubbling.

"It was a close call", Hermione exhaled in relief.

"So, how long can you prolong the effects of that potion, huh?" Harry began in a conversational tone.

"No more than a week. It is its optimum longevity and any more of the tupesum root, the potion will turn lethal. And you would not want a murder on your hands, Harry", Hermione said sternly.

"Obviously I do not", Harry said in an uncomfortable voice. He could not help but feel like he was being judged by Hermione. "Although it would have been better if we could increase its duration further. However I think that one week is enough time to make them realize not to mess with us Gryffindors.

Hermione just sighed at Harry's antics. She knew that his heart was at the right place and he really did not want to seriously hurt anybody, not even Draco Malfoy. It was just a harmless prank and teenage rivalry. Well, it was more than the teenage rivalry and the prank was not all harmless, but for once, Hermione was with Harry, instead of telling him to stay clear of such things.

Moreover Hermione herself was getting frustrated with those Slytherins insulting her at every possible situations due to her blood status, which did not even matter in her eyes and her friends'. Furthermore, the taunts and insults on the whole of Gryffindor house had increased in the last couple of weeks when Gryffindor lost the last Quidditch match only because Harry was in a detention with Professor Snape and was not allowed to play the match.

Normally Hermione was not the one to take out her revenge in such a manner but for once in her life, she was fed up of this perfect, Grade A, know-it -all student and wanted to have some fun. She did not even want the revenge to turn counterproductive so she and Harry carefully had carefully devised a meticulous contrive to take out all of her frustrations in a humorous way that would hurt nothing more than some serious Slytherin ego.

"So, is it done yet", Harry broke Hermione out of her reverie.

"Have patience Harry, this is not some first year potion that you can make in one hour. This is a serious thing. And you have made it more complicated, by giving in your urges to take down as many Slytherins as you can" Hermione answered patiently and Harry only grinned in response.

"But I can guarantee you Harry that this is going to be the best prank Hogwarts has even seen. Not to mention that it being Halloween not many people would suspect us to be the mastermind of the prank. So in all conditions, it is a win-win situation", Hermione replied giving Harry a Cheshire Cat grin and the metaphorical twinkling in Harry's eyes grew multiple times.

"Oh yes! You bet it will be. It is going to be the first time that Hermione Granger- the perfect, studious, bossy, know-it-all student is doing something akin to a delinquent. It is almost sacrilegious", Harry said cheekily.

Hermione swatted Harry on his arms and responded to him grinning wildly, "I will not even try to guess how you know these two words".

"What can you say? You have been rubbing off on me", Harry responded just as amused as Hermione.

Hermione laughed heartily and then said in a sober and a serious voice, "Okay Harry, but we have to tread carefully. We do not want anyone to know what we are doing. It could be serious detrimental to our future and our career. Moreover, the fate of the world rests on your shoulders. How are you going to save it if you cannot even complete your education?"

Harry stopped laughing after hearing those coming out of Hermione's mouth and he could only respond in a serious, "I know Hermione, I know".

When Hermione had stirred the mixture for the required number of times, it turned bright pink. She cautiously took the cauldron off the fire and used her wand to simmer down the intensity of the fire.

"Now what", Harry asked barely concealing the excitement in his voice.

"We have to wait until the brew turns chocolate brown and looks like a syrup. Then we have to repeat the procedure with another one without adding the dragon nails. Then we mix both the mixture until it turns sluggish and stops smelling. After that we can add whatever we want it to smell like", Hermione read from a book that was now open on her lap and Harry sighed exaggeratedly.

"Why do the good potions take so much time to be concocted? Can't it be simple?" Harry asked groaning.

"Be patient Harry!" Hermione chided. "All the good things take more time. You are the one who wanted the potion to be impeccable. And you are the one who is going to enjoy the potion more than most, well just a little bit more than me. Moreover, we cannot use the potion before twenty-four hours of adding the final ingredient, which is butterbeer." Hermione said calmly and Harry once again sighed exaggeratedly.

"You sure we are not going to prank them on the Halloween day", asked Harry in a wistful voice.

"Well, it would have been better if we did, but this way, they will be too busy being something else entirely that they won't get any time to devise pranks of their own", Hermione said thinking.

"Yes, I do not even want to know what they are going to do this year", Harry visibly shuddered.

The previous year, Slytherins had almost aced in pranks. Everybody apart from themselves were about to suffer from something dangerous and they had almost succeeded in it had a first year Hufflepuff not reported it to the school staff and saved all. It had resulted in them losing the house cup.

Harry and Hermione were also doing something dangerous. But it would not lead to any harm other than losing few house points and maybe preventing the Slytherins from pranking everybody else.

"Don't worry Harry. This potion will take care of it all." Hermione said in a soothing voice and Harry relaxed.

Hermione put another cauldron on the fire and started adding the ingredients in it, minus the tupesum roots.

When she called for another stolen object, a long, pink and thin object went into the cauldron. Hermione squawked loudly and scowled at Harry.

"My pen! How did you…." Hermione said wistfully and glared at Harry dangerously.

"What? I have my own ways, you know!" Harry said amused.

"That was the pen with which I won my first essay-writing competition and now you threw it into the cauldron", Hermione said in a sad voice.

"Don't worry Hermione! I will get you a new pen." Harry said consoling her.

"I will throw you too in this cauldron", she muttered darkly. "What else have you taken from me?" Hermione said looming over Harry.

He just reached in his robe and took out a medium sized purse and handed it to Hermione. She glared at him darkly and pocketed it in her own robe.

Another hour passed in silence and the second brew was ready. Hermione mixed both the potions and stirred it for a couple of times and then took it off the fire.

"It's ready now. Give me the butterbeer", Hermione asked and Harry passed her a brown flask after looking at it longingly.

Hermione slowly poured the contents of the flask into the cauldron and the final substance started smelling sweet.

Hermione inhaled the fume coming out of the flask and when she was satisfied, she said "It's ready for use."

Harry's face almost split apart with how big his smile was and then they both poured the potion in tiny small flasks.

"Tomorrow's going to be an epic day", Harry said in a gleeful voice and Hermione mirrored his grin.


So did you like the story? Let me know.

The story is not so funny as of yet, but let me warm you, tread carefully 'cause you will die laughing.

Sorry, I do not like Ron Weasley, so he is not in the story.

Reviews are appreciated but not necessary. Just keep praying that I get ideas to write more stories.

See you later.


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