Chapter 1

A/N: I don't own Harry Potter.

I am bored, fighting with writer's block, and decided to do this letter idea I've seen others writing. I hope you enjoy it.

Dear Voldemort,

I am bored and no one is writing me so I decided to write to you.

I am worried you are lonely and no one writes you. Does Dumbledore write you?

He should since it's a good way to work things out. You need to work things out with him,

oh, and stop trying to kill me. I had no interest in killing you until you killed my parents.


Dear Harry,

I do not wish to work things out with Dumbledore. He is an idiot! He is also a manipulative bastard who is only using you as a pawn. You should join me! I only killed your parents because they wouldn't let me kill you.

Lord Voldemort

Dear Harry,

why must you antagonize Lord Voldemort? I know you wrote to him saying we should work things out. He wants me dead, he wants you dead. Isn't that enough of a reason to be against him?


Dear Dumbledore,

I am not antagonizing Lord Voldemort, yes I know what it means. Hermione told me, she also told me you won't let any of my friends write me. Since Voldemort writes me, he is my new friend. He wants me to join him.

Harry friendless Potter

Dear Harry,

Dumbledore is allowing me and Ron to write you now. I don't know what you said, but he's really annoyed with you for ruining his plans. Are you serious about being friends with Voldemort? Maybe you could convince him to spare the muggle borns?


Dear Voldemort

sorry I haven't written, but I've been busy. It seems I have super powers that I just discovered. No, I can't tell you about them yet. Anyway, is there any chance you might consider sparing the muggle borns since we're friends?

Harry your friend Potter

Dear Harry

No, I will not spare the muggle borns, they are a plague on magical society. Also, you are not my friend. You are my enemy! It has been foretold you will bring my downfall and I will not let that happen. This is why you have to die, didn't anyone tell you? Dumbledore knows.

Lord Voldemort

Dear Voldy Pants,

If I am not your friend, I am your enemy and you shall fall to my army!

Your enemy for life

Harry, I have an army, Potter

Dear Harry,

Hermione's said we can write you now, which is good because I'm bored and the twins put pudding in my bed again. Hermione doesn't care and Ginny won't hex them for me. Maybe you could do it when you get here?


Dear Ron,

where the bloody hell is 'here'. No one is telling me anything, and I think Dumbledore wants me dead. Lord Moldypants hasn't written me in almost two weeks, I think he's mad at me because I have an army and he doesn't. Can you write him and ask him if he's mad at me?"