In Which Our Brave Heroes Unveil a Dastardly Felon

This one-shot started as an exercise in excessive purple prose that got hilariously out of hand. Someone stole Alistair's helmet! Who? Pokes fun of those "The [adjective] sun rose in the [adjective] sky, casting its [adjective] light over the [adjective] land" openings, paradoxes of description, and also those shared armor game mechanics. Maybe you'll even laugh.