The witcher, the wardrobe and half a chocolate bar

Based on books/games, set in Toussaint long after the ending of the games. Geralt takes home a strange woman he finds in a field because he's intrigued by her yoga pants. Where does she come from? Why is she here? And what does dirty dancing have to do with it all? A little humor, probably a slow build. Rating adjustment to M later on I guess? Not a native speaker, sorry!