Harry Potter's life summed up…

Chapter 1

Harry Potter and the very weird year.

Harry Potter had an entirely shitty life.

Okay, admittedly, that was slightly rude. Does Harry particularly care? No. Does he care about the fact that he doesn't care? Also, no. Why is he being rude? Well, you can say he had a bad year, but that would be an understatement. Let's go back to the beginning of this terrible nightmare, shall we?

It all started on his eleventh birthday. He turned 11 and then some giant guy burst into the abandoned cabin that Uncle Vernon had temporarily relocated them to in a fit of insanity. Said giant guy then proceeded to enlighten Harry as to how he was a wizard, his parents had magic too, his parents were murdered by some crazy madman who nobody spoke about and his aunt and uncle had lied to him. Then, to his utter confusion, Harry was taken to the Leaky Cauldron (weren't pubs for adults only?), Diagon Alley, Gringotts, Ollivanders and all of them included creepy lunatics, even though magic did seem to be real, and not the ravings of someone touched in the head. Would he have believed the giant anyways? Yes.

So, he accepted that, and went back to his aunt's house. Then came time to go back to school, and guess what? The entrance to the school, Hogwarts' train platform didn't exist. He was understandably confused, until a bunch of red-heads told him to run through a pillar. So, he proceeded to run through a pillar. Was it smart to listen to someone who told you to run at a pillar? No. Did Harry still run through a pillar? Yes. At this point, one could say he wasn't smart, but running at a pillar was actually one of the smartest things he did that year.

He made friends with the red-head, sorry, one of the red-heads. And then they had a sorting ceremony with a talking hat. It was as if wizards were trying to make themselves look stupider. Why would someone listen to a hat, a hat that apparently decided people's life path based on their personality as an eleven-year-old? He didn't know at all. Did he still go and sit under the hat, and then listen to said hat? Of course he did!

Getting introduced to the professors was a very bizarre thing, because for one they were all so odd. Dumbledore, the headmaster, was utterly batty. McGonagall was a cat. Snape could easily impersonate a vampire, if he wasn't one already. Flitwick was shorter than a first year, yet claimed to be an adult. Sprout acted more like a teddy bear than a person. And the less mentioned about Quirrell, the better. Did he still go to their lessons and listen to them? Why wouldn't he?

And not to mention the fact that he had already made an enemy for himself, well other than a supposedly-defeated-but-not-actually-defeated Dark Lord. Said enemy called him out every single second of every single day, like he had nothing better to do. And then Malfoy invited him to a midnight duel in the trophy room. And despite what everyone thought, Harry had seen some horror movies before. He knew what happened after this. Did he still go? Absolutely.

Finding out there was a three-headed dog guarding some mysterious treasure in a school full of Magic children was one of the most utterly ludicrous things he had ever heard. In fact, he would have laughed in the face of whoever told him that. He wouldn't have believed it for a second, unless he had seen it with his own eyes, which he had. And then, he found out that the giant that took him to Diagon Alley, remember him?, yup, he had apparently given the three headed dog a name – Fluffy. Also, he was planning to raise a dragon in a wooden hut, you know, daily things. So, Harry in all his smartness thought 'hmmm… we can't have a dragon in a wooden hut near a school full of children! Why don't we, three eleven year olds, smuggle the dragon out?' Did he ever think that the statement was utter rubbish? Yes. Did he still smuggle a dragon out? Also, yes. Did he get caught while smuggling an illegal dragon out after curfew? Triple yes!

Alright, all disasters aside, the year went brilliantly after that!

Just kidding! After that, they found out about the immortal rock thingy being kept hidden under a three headed dog, in a room in a castle full of curious children who were banned from going into said room. Do you see the disaster that would occur here? Yes? Even Harry did, but did he ever mention it? No, because it only occurred to him in the corner of his mind reserved for smart ideas, which was used very sparingly.

So, at the end of the year, when they conveniently had all the parts of the puzzle, they broke into said room. It was remarkably easy to get past the obstacles. Obstacles that were apparently made to stop grown, dangerous dark lords, but couldn't stop three determined eleven-year-old children, two of whom had all of one year of knowledge that magic existed. Did this ring any alarm bells in said children? Not really. So, they went ahead with their utterly foolish plan.

They succeeded, which wasn't saying much. Considering the 'dark lord' was burned because of some protection that Harry's mother left him. (Despite Dumbledore's thoughts on the matter, Harry doesn't believe it is love that is protecting him. Simply to spite the utterly batty headmaster, who has terrible taste in clothes. At least that's what Harry tells himself!) In the end, they even managed to win the House cup, due to some extra points that Dumbledore handed out last minute. Did that seem utterly unfair and completely encouraging to three students who got points for breaking the rules? They probably didn't think of it that way… Were they concerned that they were getting special treatment? Nope, not at all.

So, ultimately, the year ended very well. Wonderfully, in fact. It was so wonderful that Harry wasn't even worried about going back to his aunt's house. Should he be worried? Possibly yes. Does he care much? Not really. After all, his cousin doesn't exactly know that he can't use magic outside Hogwarts, does he?