"The hardest part about taking care of a person dying inch-by-inch . . . . is afterwards." Gregory Goyle/Millicent Bulstrode *Sequel to 'Memory Like Old Lace.'*

Millicent Bulstrode tells it like it is.

Vince has never claimed to be the brightest light in the chandelier, but once he gets an idea in his mind, he hangs onto it like a hippogriff with a juicy ferret. Unfortunately for both Millicent and him, he’s always had difficulty expressing himself.

All Dudley wanted to do was deliver the letter and return to his perfectly normal, relatively pleasant existence. Luckily for him, fate and Millicent Bulstrode intervened.

In which Ginny talks, and Hermione's mind wanders . . . to Ron, naturally.

Thanks to a student's prank, Hogwarts is in sudden need of a new caretaker, in addition to the already-open post of Keeper of Keys and Grounds. The portrait of Albus connives, Minerva is secretly grateful, Filius and Poppy find out where making assumptions gets them, and Millicent and Dudley discover the difficulties and rewards of living a married life at Hogwarts.

"Stripping tended to make Dudley turn introspective (far more than pubs or churches ever had)." Dudley's a strippergram, Hermione's turning thirty, Ginny and Lavender want to see bulging biceps, and Luna has an idea.

Greg is lost without Vince, but he somehow manages to find Millicent.

Albus Dumbledore (the lying bastard) had announced that Professor Kettleburn had retired to 'enjoy more time with his remaining limbs.' Millicent Bulstrode inadvertently discovers the truth (and then some). A tale of lost limbs, found love, and fantastic beasts.

Missing the year prior to sitting one's A-levels would have been quite difficult for a student of average ability, but for a student of Dudley's calibre, it was downright disastrous.

Although their students might sometimes be oblivious to it, teachers have lives, too. Fertilized with dung and watered with tea, Filius Flitwick and Pomona Sprout cultivate a love slowly bubbling along behind the scenes.

It begins and ends with the camera. Snapshots of life, and the living thereof. *Severus Snape/Millicent Bulstrode/Dennis Creevey* Go ahead and click; you know you're curious!

In a cluttered workshop and amid the rambunctious denizens of his greenhouse, Neville Longbottom discovers that beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder. Now he only has to convince Millicent Bulstrode. . . .

"Arthur Weasley was rarely seen kissing his wife." Not all romances are conducted in front of the camera. Arthur/Molly

Vincent Crabbe/Millicent Bulstrode drabble.

"Vincent Crabbe hated little girls. More to the point, he hated being one."

Much as divorce lawyers would like to convince us otherwise, real love doesn’t pack its bags when times get tough. A *real* love story. Gregory Goyle/Millicent Bulstrode GG/MB

Because, as much as books and movies tell us otherwise, perfect people don’t *live.* A tribute to the imperfect. Gregory Goyle/Millicent Bulstrode GG/MB

*on hiatus, possibly permanent*“Hermione had been different...yet too much the same.” Viktor Krum needs someone a little more out of the ordinary. Millicent needs someone to appreciate her for who she is. VKMB Ch. 2: occurrences, obfuscation, & osculation

*on hiatus, possibly permanently* In which Hermione learns what Draco has been hiding under his robes. Chapter 3 now up! WIP