AU Victorian Era. No magic. Hermione Granger, a Voltaire-reading, true-love-scoffing, logic-conquers-all cynic, was not a lover of Darnays or Darcys or any other man who pranced around in flashy clothing that compensated for their lack of personality. She thought she had her life together until a serial-philandering blonde noble came along by chance. Draco/Hermione.

Returning to Hogwarts after the Second Wizarding War, Draco Malfoy was expecting a difficult seventh year. He, however, wasn't expecting to be found dead before Christmas. With the help of a clever Ravenclaw ghost, Draco searches for truth behind his inconvenient demise. Character Deaths.

Headache: two aspirin. Cramps: four aspirin. Trapped in a broom closet with known enemy, Draco Malfoy: spare the counting and give me the bottle!