Why is there a barrel full of blood in the middle of Tom and Harry's kitchen? Tom explains patiently. AU! For Lor.

When James and Hermione leave Remus in charge of Harry, Lily joins in to help. AU! Muggles. Recursive fic for Bea Writes' My Heart Is Whenever You Are on FFN

No one told Voldemort how bored he would be when he became immortal AND a dark lord. If someone had told him that, maybe he would have changed his mind. Being responsible for so many people was boring, and Voldemort longed for the days when he was free to do whatever he chose. Crack.

After they realise Alice has seen Hermione beside Jasper in her vision, Emmett and Alice, the chaotic siblings they are, come up with a mischievous plan to bring them together.

Draco's drunk and keeps rambling about a certain brunette he's in love with. Blaise and Theo are so done.

Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition, Book Club. AUs! One-shots.

"Close your eyes and don't peek." The twins scrunched their eyes shut and even covered them with their hands. Pulling the lid off the box, Fabian carefully pulled out the sleeping kitten from within the folds and placed it on the grass.

The seabed was just a few inches below his feet, so Tom hopped through the water as best as he could, flailing his arms every which way. This was the most humiliating thing he had ever done, and he was so glad no one was around to see him like this. "Hey, are you okay? Do you need any help?" a girl's voice called out from somewhere to his right. He had spoken too soon.

"I was just in the neighbourhood and thought I'd surprise you with lunch," Peter said, raising the bags for her to see. He smiled at her sheepishly and added, "I didn't know what you'd like to eat today, so I got a bit of everything." Hermione's breath hitched. "Everything?" "Everything."

"Is that a scale ruler in your pocket, Mr Architect, or are you just happy to see me?" James smirked. "This is heading into an entirely inappropriate territory, Miss Granger. Don't forget that you're my assistant—"

His girlfriend really did have a magical mouth—no pun intended. She sucked him like a pro, often using tips and tricks he had never thought were possible. At the thought that she might not have been as innocent as she had claimed she was, something dark and dangerous reared its ugly head in his chest. It coiled around his heart, squeezing, squeezing it and demanding Dudley sate it

Just because Bill and Hermione were Curse Breakers and lived for the adrenaline from their hair-raising adventures, that didn't mean the couple was adventurous in bed. They didn't drizzle chocolate syrup over their bodies or play dress-up. They didn't have sex in public or try choking each other or whatnot. They liked to keep things simple. Easy. Lighthearted. Relaxing.

"Are you having fun, Charlie?" Fred and George turned to look at him, their beady little eyes gleaming in the restaurant's candlelights. They chorused in their usual creepy manner, "Yes, Charlie, are you having fun?" Charlie gritted his teeth and glared at them. "I would if only I was at home with my wife naked under me. But no, she'd rather play house with you two bozos."

"And what's this about a plan? What plan are you talking about?" "The plan to get back in Granger's good graces, of course," Theo said pointedly. "I'm assuming you two had a fight and that's why you've been making pitiful puppy-like faces at her when she's not looking."

The Kama Sutra was a Valentine's Day gag gift from Fred and George, who both believed that Hermione and Percy's sex life wasn't as spicy as it could be. No matter how much Percy had threatened and blustered at them, the twins had forced him to take the book and go through it with his lovely wife.

"George, duck!" Hermione suddenly screamed. George followed her command without hesitation. He fell to his knees, his wand ready in his hand. An AK curse flew over his head, courtesy of Rodolphus Lestrange. And then, the Death Eater was rolling on the ground, curled up in a tight ball, with an enraged Hermione standing over him, her wand pointed at his chest.

"I just wanted to bake a cake," Hermione muttered, her lower lip jutting out in a small pout. There was flour in her hair and on the corner of her lip. "It's midnight." Draco stared at her, unimpressed. He valued his beauty sleep and tried not to melt at the sight of his witch looking as adorable as a baby Niffler.

Marcus stood alone in the middle of the dancefloor, trying to figure out a way to leave without looking like an idiot—not that he didn't feel like one already. Just then, someone tapped his shoulder from behind. Marcus pivoted on his heel and came face to face with the one witch he'd been trying to avoid all night. Hermione Granger.

Something crackled behind her, and Hermione whirled around just in time to find the stone wall splitting into two. All thoughts of the bullies vanished into thin air. She cried out and stumbled back. The crack deepened, split the wall, and left a giant gaping hole behind.

Although he had known there was a hundred per cent chance of it raining, the sudden downpour still caught Draco off guard. "I brought you an umbrella," Granger declared, waving the rainbow-coloured contraption around and sprinkling rainwater all over him.