Maybe his reasons give him solace, maybe it does make him happy to be gone. But she knows it will not in the future, and it would have been so helpful if she could have found a way to show him just that. But she is also so tired, so tired of loving someone who needed convincing that she is worthy of care.

She just felt so exhausted. Eating hurt. Smiling hurt. Making food required energy that she did not have. She felt lifeless. Permanently scarred. She did not like herself like that. And she was battling feelings of guilt and pain. [Alternate universe] [CW: suicidal thoughts]