A take on one of my favourite horror films of all time, done in the style of parody scripts from The Editing Room. I hope you like it.

Uncle Vernon takes drastic measures to contain Harry. This is set near the beginning of Order of the Phoenix and is unsuitable for young readers.

Dumbledore is an agitated and confused old man who swears a lot. Malfoy likes sandwiches and screams like a girl. Here's yet another of my ridiculous but hopefully slightly amusing HP fanfics.

I was inspired to write this shortly after seeing Half-Blood Prince. I wanted to write a bit of a review and tell a HP story at the same time, in as much of a JK Rowling tone as I could manufacture. Hope you find it funny.

This is the Hogwarts you DIDN'T read about!

Hermione keeps Ron in detention. Not suitable for young readers.

"A point from Gryffindor for Summoning He Who Must Not Be Named to Hogwarts!"