If the table was a boat, and if he was the captain of that boat, then Audrey was an enormous, towering block in the middle of the sea made for smashing wayward ships into smithereens.

Wedding invitations from ex-fiances are generally considered to be highly flammable. Unfortunately, annoying cousins of ex-fiances don't think so.

She'd never noticed him much before, and it certainly didn't help anything when she rushed out of her Defense class and found him standing just right there. Oneshot.