Title a famous song? Check. Main characters total Sues that all the guys love? Check. Boring plot? Check. Awful grammar? Checkity-check. Huston, we have a Harry Potter fanfic.

When Shepard meets Ashley on Horizon, she demands that he tell her something that only he would know to prove that it's really him. The story he chooses, though, is a bit embarrassing for her... Written for the KinkMeme! Rated for safety.