Will Draco and Hermione be able to conceal their love before Chapter Four? Will Ron discover what sex is? Will the blond boy reveal his name? Will everyone stop nodding! It's a parody.

Hermione Granger is depressed - being dumped three times in the same month can do that to a person. Her best friends are happy and are oblivious to her impending doom of weighing over 80 kilos. But then someone shows up and her world is turned upside down