Petunia Dursley's Sassy Gay Husband

He's sassy, he's gay, but he's still Vernon Dursley! The Dursleys' marriage isn't the unholy unity of two stale Muggles. Instead, it's a marriage of convenience- a sharing of assets and hearts (if not of bodies)- between the homosexual Vernon and his best friend Petunia. This makes for very different foster parents, who nevertheless maintain some level of propriety.