Zoop Goes to Middle Earth - Part I

Gratuitous, shameless self-insert. Ever wonder what Orcs in Middle Earth are *really* like? Me too. So I'm taking a trip to Arda to get the scoop on my favorite angst-ridden, misunderstood, just-wanna-be-loved critters, the Orcs. And hope I don't get eaten along the way. (Warning: may be occasionally humorous, but I make no promises.)