Something Familiar

First-year students summon familiars! Most are animals. Some aren't. Village-eating flowers, insane cat hybrids and armored murder-owls running around school? Sure! It's pretty obvious wizards are idiots. More narwhals than any other HP fanfic, guaranteed! Can our heroes save England? No, they can't! They're more likely to destroy it! 70% crack, 20% plot, 9% fire, 1% narwhal.