What do an insane cat hybrid, armored murder owl and village-devouring flower have in common? They're all things children shouldn't be in charge of! Having students summon familiars in their first year of Hogwarts is great when they're things like cats and dogs. That... isn't always the case. Our heroes might save the world, assuming they don't accidentally destroy it first.

I wrote this at spoonpoint. Please send help.

First-year students summon familiars! Most are animals. Some aren't. Village-eating flowers, insane cat hybrids and armored murder-owls running around school? Sure! It's pretty obvious wizards are idiots. More narwhals than any other HP fanfic, guaranteed! Can our heroes save England? No, they can't! They're more likely to destroy it! 70% crack, 20% plot, 9% fire, 1% narwhal.