CONFUSED SCREAMING: An Ocarina of Time Crackfic

In which Link is dead, ReDeads play ukuleles, the Happy Mask Salesman drives around on a quad bike listening to Queen and plotting to BRING DOWN THE GOVERNMENT, Dampé knocks people out with his shovel, Zelda is a tractor-driving murderer and that creepy windmill guy does something but we're not sure what. (Contains swearing, some sexual and drug references and general randomness.)