AN; Thank you so much for all the support! It is very deeply appreciated!
This day could not get any worse.
"I can't believe she lied to me! She really had me going, but that, that..." Ron spat. "That stupid Snape Slytherin!"
Percy shook his head and groaned, "How could you be stupid enough to fall for Rose's ploy?"
"She had a signed document promising my release," Ron whined. "It looked like it was from the Ministry and everything."
"Did you not think it would be wise to stay in Peru until I gave you permission to return?"
"I didn't know if you'd ever get around to releasing me."
"If you'd had more trust in me you wouldn't be here."
"I thought I could trust my daughter."
"Rose isn't your daughter!"
Ron huffed. "She isn't anymore anyway. I'm disowning her."
"Good for you, Ronald!" Molly called. "It's time to get rid of that toxic brat!"
"I'm glad to be rid of her," Ron answered. "I never suspected she'd be so awful as to fake a release document."
"She's a Slytherin! Of course she'd forge a release document," Percy retorted. "It was your job to ensure that it was legitimate."
"It looked really real to me," Ron answered.
"Was it even notarized?"
Ron gave him a blank look. "What does that mean?"
Percy smacked his head. "You are such a moron."
"What? I'm sorry I don't know what being notarized means!" Ron snapped. "It isn't my fault though. Rose tricked me and now I'm in jail. My own daughter betrayed me!"
"No, that Snape spawn betrayed you!" Molly shouted from another cell. "You have no daughter!"
"True! I never did have a daughter, just some baby Hermione tried to pass off as mine!"
Percy curled into a ball on his bed. How do I get sent to solitary confinement?
"I wish I had a time turner so I could prevent is from ever laying eyes on Hermione! She has caused nothing but trouble!"
"Yeah, she was nothing but awful to me!" Ron echoed. "All she did was nag and try to get me to read stupid, boring books! I was ready to give her everything, but then she cheated on me with Snape and tried to make me raise a baby I thought was his! When I realized I needed a DNA test she refused!"
"I wish Hermione Snape was here so I could tell her…"
"Tell me what?"
Molly and Ron turned to her. The Weasley matriarch hissed, "You!"
Hermione wore the sweetest smile she could muster. "Hello Molly, Percy, Ron."
"You bitch!" Molly shouted.
Hermione pulled out her wand.
"I should've never welcomed you into my home…"
"I should've never let you near my son, I never should've let you raise such an awful daughter, I never let you inhale air. I'm a nightmare honestly. I should go under some rock so my husband and I can make ourselves miserable." Hermione rolled her eyes. "You never have anything new to say to me."
"What are you doing here, 'Mione?" Ron stepped towards the bars. "Are you here to throw our arrest in our faces, or do you have something useful to say?"
"I actually had quite a bit to say to all of you."
"What could you possible have to say to us?"
Percy poked his head out from between his knees. Ron's stomach dropped while Molly's mouth was agape.
Hermione smirked. "I never thought I would see a time when you were all quiet."
"Why on earth would you thank any of us?" Percy asked.
Molly did not close her mouth.
"Because while our interactions have been wholly negative, throughout the years you have done me more good to me than harm."
"How could we have done anything good for you?" Ron spat, the red returning to his face.
"Well, Percy, I should start with you," Hermione began, her grin still in place. "Thank you for exposing Rose's paternity."
His body was now straight.
"Severus and Rose always had a strong bond, but there was a secret between them. Neither of us was completely comfortable with withholding her paternity from her, but we didn't want her to feel abandoned and unloved. Thus, we told her she was biologically a Snape."
"I can see the logic in that course of action," Percy admitted.
"How wrong we were! She never felt abandoned at all! Now that the truth is out, Severus and Rose's bond is stronger than ever. She now knows that her father loves her despite her not sharing a strand of DNA with him. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, she knows that his love is unconditional. Granted, I am not thrilled about the way the truth has been revealed, but I suppose we should have told her the truth ourselves if we wanted it to come out a certain way. So again, thank you."
"Y-you're welcome?" Percy squeaked.
"Molly," Hermione turned to the other woman. "The word loathsome doesn't even begin to describe you. The nicest thing anyone can say about you is that you are a migraine. You are going to die in a jail cell annoying the ever loving crap out of your sons. It truly is what you all deserve."
"Why you little…."
Hermione raised her wand. "Taci…"
Molly grew silent.
"There we go. Now back to my greater point," Hermione continued. "I should thank you for trying to kill me."
"I wasn't trying to kill you!"
"You're right," Hermione tapped her foot. "Your plan was to imprison my husband in your basement."
"How would you know that?"
"The aurors told me about the poor excuse you had of a cell in there when they interviewed me."
"It was very well built, thank you."
"It didn't even have a restraining spell."
"I was going to charm it so he couldn't escape."
"I doubt you could have overpowered Severus."
"I would if he knew you were in danger if he didn't cooperate."
"Did you really think Severus was going to rest until he returned to the woman he loved? No, he would play along with you until he was certain he could subdue you."
"All Rose had to do was give Ron the money he deserved! That's all she needed to do to get her precious step daddy back!"
"I doubt you would've been able to subdue Severus long enough to pull out the parchment for the ransom note."
"I'm more powerful than you think! I killed Bellatrix! Have you forgotten that?"
"Regardless of who you've killed," Hermione waved her off. "Your actions could have killed me, but instead they gave me the will to live."
"It is a long story, one I do not wish to share with you. All you need to know is after I awoke from my coma, I understood how important my family was to me. I realized how they desperately needed me, and how I desperately needed them. One of the happiest days of my life was celebrating my son's birthday in the hospital with my family gathered around me. I have always been thankful for them, but now I hold them even closer to my heart."
"Glad for your new lease on life," Molly muttered.
"Speaking of my family," Hermione turned to Ron. "I owe the biggest 'thank you' of my life to you. Thank you for being an irredeemable arse! Thank you for doing the right thing for once in your life and allowing Rose to be raised by her rightful father!"
Ron's face reddened.
"If you had tried to raise Rose you would've been a horrific father, assuming you ever got off your arse long enough to remember that you had a child. You knew you were not father material, so you dumped me in the most humiliating way possible. If you hadn't done that, I wouldn't have married and subsequently fallen in love with Severus."
Ron squeezed the bar, as if that would break them.
"Really you're the reason I have such a wonderful life. If you hadn't dumped me, I never would've given Severus a passing glance. I needed a good kick towards him, and you certainly provided that."
"I should never have fallen in love with you," Ron growled.
"Ron, you never loved me. You are absolutely incapable of love, something Harry and I should've realized in the Forest of Dean." There was a flash of pain in Hermione's eyes, but it quickly dissipated and the spark returned. "It doesn't matter. You helped me create my beautiful, amazing oldest daughter. I could not be prouder of the way she turned out in large part because her biological father stepped aside and allowed a real adult to raise her."
Ron pulled at the bars. "You're a bitch Hermione! A horrible, awful, nightmarish bitch!"
"Why do you insist upon calling me a bitch?" Hermione asked. "After all these years I thought you would all come up with better insults."
"If the shoe fits!" Molly shouted.
"Then I'll gladly wear it."
"Anyway I need to return to my husband and children now. I simply wanted to see you before they cart you off to Azkaban where you belong. Goodbye and good luck! I cannot say that I will miss you."
"Believe us, we won't miss you either!" Ron retorted.
"Although I suppose it is too early to say our final goodbyes. I will see you soon enough," Hermione's grin returned. "It will be amazing to testify at your trials and hear your sentences ."
With that, Hermione left, fully expecting them to return to bickering at each other's throats the second she closed the door.
"Thank you for coming on such short notice."
Severus wiped the last of the soot from his left sleeve. "You made it sound urgent."
Madame Serpent slithered over her owner's feet en route to the couch. "It is extremely urgent."
"What is it then?" Severus approached his daughter.
Rose pulled a parchment out from her pocket and handed it to him.
Dear Rose Snape,
By all accounts you are well aware of your biological father's arrest. Please come to the Government Palace in two hours. The attached key will serve as your portkey.
Minister Raul Gonzalez
Severus returned his attention to his trembling daughter.
"What sort of trouble have I gotten myself into now?"