Cauldrons and Lilies

Chapter 31

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Today is Severus's Birthday so here we go

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Chapter 31

He woke up with a raging headache and wanting to dry heave. He was in the Burrow. Severus remembered not being able to apparate or portkey with Lily. He had been tired, and the drinks he had earlier that night hadn't helped. Severus could tell Lily was not anywhere in the room. He stood up gingerly. The young man headed toward the small bathroom in the second landing. Severus tried to knock; he could hear someone puking. It could only be Lily.

He opened the door and found his wife hunched over the loo. Severus could hear her heaving sounds. He did not know how but he managed to crouch down and hold her hair. Lily leaned back into his chest. She seemed to be done puking. Severus did not know what to do. The young wizard knew instinctively that Lily would want answers. She was inquisitive by nature. It had been a herculean task to get her to trust him when he came back from time. She observed him obsessively for those first few weeks. He could tell she noticed a difference but after Christmas break she stopped caring and accepted the "new but same Sev" as he called him. He did not ask what made her accept the change. He feared she could read through him and figure out something was off.

Severus knew he had to speak first. Lily was rightly expecting an explanation. He looked into her green eyes. Could he tell her everything? Could he burden her with all that knowledge? Would Lils still love him if he told her all what had happened in his other life? Severus decided he would not risk his life. He wouldn't see Lily's pitying eyes or worse what if she looked at him with disgust, with hatred?"

"I panicked." He started and could tell she wouldn't accept that response out of him. She knew him too well. Severus would have to give her more information.

"I panicked too Severus but I did not disappear for three days." She faced him and held his hands. "Why did you leave? Severus, I need to know."

"Lily, I can't. I can't tell you." His voice was above a whisper and he could tell it would break soon. He saw as Lily slumped and lowered her gaze.

"You don't want me to have the baby." Lily whispered painfully.

Severus didn't want her to have a baby. He was afraid, more afraid than the first time when he learned he had doomed Lily and her baby. This time it was his child and Lils was his wife. There was a madman hell bent into killing children all because a half demented woman's prophecy.

He was losing ground. He shook his head, "we are not ready Lily but I do want our baby." He said gently while lifting her face so he could look into her eyes.

She was crying, her face was blotched, her eyes red rimmed, her nose and cheeks red.

"Then what is it Severus? I can't think of anything but you being a coward and leaving us." Her voice was a mixture of anger and sorrow but her face was what undid him. She felt betrayed; he could see it in her eyes.

Severus had to tell her now. "No, I would never leave you Lily."

He looked around the cramped bathroom. "This isn't the best place to explain."

Lily shook her head. "I want to know what is happening. What's happening here" she touched his chest, "and here." She touched his head.

Severus looked at her, "I panicked, we're not ready but it isn't only that. You are correct, there's more."

He locked the door and placed a muffliato, "Lily do you know what prophecies are?"

His wife looked exasperated, "of course I know what prophecies are. What's that got to do with anything?"

"Let me explain please." He said wearily. Lily assented slowly.

"When you told me about the baby, remember I specifically asked you for the due date?"

She nodded and remained silent, "Lily, there's a prophecy concerning a child born as the seventh month dies. He Who Must Not be Named has heard half a prophecy. This child is supposed to be his downfall."

Lily paled, "but our baby will be born in August. It isn't our baby."

Severus looked at her, "I lost it Lily, I left you here and I went to Narcissa. He doesn't have the whole prophecy. At that time, I didn't know what the prophecy said exactly. Cissy, she explained He Who Must Not be Named is aware that a child born at the end of Summer is believed to be his downfall. I left Cissy and searched for more information. I had to be sure; I needed to hear that's blasted prophecy. I went underground, Knockturn alley and tried to find his informant. I tracked the woman who heard the prophecy and reported back to the death eater. She didn't make sense and gave me less information than Cissy."

Lily looked at him and encouraged him to continue with his explanation. "I went to Dumbledore, yesterday night. I told him what I knew and he showed me the prophecy."

His wife frowned, "Sev, I don't understand, why are you so worried about this love? Prophecies are inaccurate…"

He could tell she wasn't as anguished as before and it contrasted with what he was feeling. He told her so. "Lily, I'm terrified, there's a madman out there trying to kill babies, possibly our baby." Severus's voice shook.

"I want to see it. Take me to Dumbledore. I have to hear this prophecy." Lily was trying to understand his fears. She did not feel as afraid as he did.

Severus let out a mirthless laugh. "I know it by heart. It feels as if I have recited for years now. "The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches... Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies... and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives... The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies..."

Severus told her somberly. Lily hugged him. "That child can't be our baby. I'll give birth by mid August. That baby does not fit our baby."

"It doesn't but does he know it? Voldemort doesn't have all the prophecy. He has some of it but we're not sure. This time is different. I just don't know." He rambled.

She held him tight and shook. "What about Alice? She's pregnant too."

"Yes. Lily, Cissy was scared for her baby too. I don't know how much he knows."

"No one knows I'm pregnant." Lily whispered, "There's a spy Lils. Pettigrew, he's been passing information along." Severus watched her shocked reaction.

She gasped. "The marauders will be devastated." He stiffened.

"Lily, have you said anything to Remus, Black or Potter?" Severus remembered they had been present in the Burrow yesterday night.

"No, the only people who know are Molly, Arthur and your dad. Alice knows too." She looked scared, too many people knew, she was wrong, a lot of people knew.

"Dumbledore knows too. He picked up on your pendant." He touched the necklace.

"What do we do?" Lily moved his hair back, away from his eyes.

"We hide. Dumbledore and I, we've come up with a plan for us and for Frank and Alice. We have to hide."

Lily kissed his cheeks and cried. "I thought you didn't love me. I thought you left me and the baby, that we weren't good enough for you."

Severus frowned, "Why would you think that? I've loved you since we were nine-year-old Lils. I would never leave."

Lily cried more. "I'm sorry Severus. I thought maybe you didn't want me, a muggleborn to have your children."

"Lils, I don't believe in blood purity or any of that bloody propaganda. I thought you knew." He said clearly, making her look into his eyes.

"I'm terrified because you and our baby could be in danger. I love you." Severus said clearly.

She nodded. "I love you too." She hugged him but trembled too.

"How did you know about the prophecy?" Lily asked after some time. He couldn't lie to her. He wished she hadn't asked that question.

Could he really deceive her so much? "It happened in another lifetime. In another life I lost you and your son. I was a death eater and told him about the prophecy he hunted you, your husband and your son. You and your husband died while your son became the savior of the Wizarding World. He grew up an orphan, neglected by Tuney and her oaf of a husband. I didn't look after him. I despised him and made his life hell for seven years until I died and woke up here." He blurted and held his breath as he laid eyes on Lily.

Lily looked puzzled. "That's a horrible nightmare Severus." She frowned and then kissed him; she wiped his tears away with her kisses. She thought it was a bad dream.

"I never want you to have that nightmare again. You're here, we're together and our baby will be fine." She said honestly.

He cried and kissed her. Severus had told her, he cried and hugged her. She kissed the side of his face. "I don't want you to think about that dream again. It's not real. We are real Severus, our family we are real."

He kissed her softly, "listen to her; don't live in the other lifetime. Live in this one; take care of her and your baby. Don't waste it. Don't waste it." He listened to that little voice in his head and asked for her forgiveness. "I shouldn't have run or at least I should have told you."

"You should have." Lily. "I forgive because you were scared and I can tell you were shaken and afraid but you should have told me Severus. You should have said something, anything before dumping me here. Those three days without knowing where you were, they were excruciatingly painful."

She caressed his cheek, "Please forgive me too."

Severus frowned, "What do I have to forgive?"

"I doubted you. I thought you ran from us." Lily was ashamed of her thoughts.

Severus nodded, "I forgive you too."

Lily stood up. "We have to stop being stupid."

He chuckled. "We do."

"Promise me something." She helped him up, his head still pounded.

"The next time any of us decides to act stupid, please don't leave without saying a word." Lily was still shaken by his departure.

"I promise." He hugged her.

"Severus, I need you as much as you need me. Never forget that." She kissed his nose and then his mouth.

"I love you Severus, with all my heart. Please don't think about that nightmare, not ever again. I'll love you always and I know you'll love me always."

"Always." He whispered in her ear.