Nobody ever asked my birthday

Chapter 113

"Now, this should go without saying, but if you must gossip about this, do it in this Room, not outside." Draco Malfoy said, softly but clearly - in that peculiar carrying tone that Snape always used in class. Draco Malfoy, who looked cool as a cucumber saying it, too. Sometimes Harry hated how even-keeled the Slytherins could be. It made them deuced difficult to read.

Hermione, on the other hand, was a snap to read - and she had her hand raised to her face, two fingers on her lips, and she was staring off into space. And that was all Harry really needed to see, to put together all the clues.

Shite, so he's kissed her then? Why that twerp - running away was he? Harry wanted to kick something, and hard. Preferably Malfoy's arse. Here's good old Harry, there to pick up the pieces. Yeah, that's me, good old Harry Potter. Best Friend. This... was going to suck. Better make sure Ron doesn't figure it out, too - despite his current obsession with Lavender Brown, he's had a longstanding crush on Hermione... and he hasn't managed the bollocks to kiss her yet, either. Which means jealousy on top of jealousy, served up with a side of more jealousy.

Well, Harry thought, I can't deal with this now, particularly since it's classtime. Set it aside, deal with it later.

"It seems like imagination's the key," Theodore Nott said, loud enough to carry. "Why don't we each try conjuring something happy?"

Around Harry, there were nods, and - the Slytherins especially, began to conjure miniature rooms for themselves. Moments later, Harry heard the distinctive sounds of a bed squeaking out a humping rhythm.

Harry, Hermione, and Ron stood there uncomfortably, as the whole tenor of the Room seemed to change, smelling more... keyed up. Harry would have buried his head in his hands, but this actually might prove helpful, and he couldn't really begrudge anyone the opportunity to feel good if it wasn't hurting anyone.

There was a sound, like a soap bubble popping, and suddenly Luna was twenty feet above ground, in a clear white space, falling. Hermione quickly cast a cushioning charm, and then there was another pop, leaving a fourth year student falling, who Harry, almost without thinking, caught in a featherlight spell, watching the tanned boy float softly to the ground.

The soap bubbles turned into a cascade, like popping corn, and Harry was sure that someone was going to miss being caught. The end of the popping caught Blaise Zambini, with his trousers half down, and his penis out. Blushing, He gave a wide, white grin to the ladies, as he tucked himself back into his pants. That's one bloke that's sure he's well endowed, Harry thought with amusement.

Luna said, hesitantly, "I guess we can overload the Room of Requirement..."

"We should try it again, only carefuller this time!" Hermione bubbled furiously. Everyone looked at her askance, and, as she fell out of her "science-trance", she looked at everyone staring dubiously at her, and said, "It was just a thought! For science!"

[a/n: Harry's not particularly mad that Draco Malfoy kissed Hermione. It's what he said afterward, and what that indicates. Will explain more on Monday, in story time.

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Malfoy hijacked the chapter, and I'm sorry (he was not supposed to kiss Hermione, but... you tell me a Slytherin doesn't take advantage of a kiss-a-thon to kiss his stupid secret crush). I don't think anyone in fandom has EVER done a Room of Requirement malfunctions scene before. Which is odd, with all those holodeck goes wonky episodes of Star Trek...]