Nobody ever asked my birthday


"Why are there so many doors in my classroom?" Snape purred, his lanky form prowling between groups of students.

Hermione, because it was always Hermione, raised her hand.

"Does anyone, other than Miss Granger, wish to hazard a guess?" Snape said. Harry wondered, as he figured the Slytherins often had in Potions class, if Snape was going to call on Hermione at all.

Snape waved his wand instead. The students, who had clustered (perhaps wisely) in front of the doors, were hit by a wave of sound.

Screaming, to be precise.

Harry had to listen to it, for about five seconds, before he was convinced that the screaming emanated from the doors.

Snape waved his wand again, and the silence echoed through the air. "WHY are there so many doors in my classroom?" He shouted, and Snape never shouted, not in class. Perhaps he was concerned that someone might be unable to hear his usual soft-spoken voice, with their ears ringing from the aftershocks of the screams.

"To go through them," Susan Bones said clearly.

Snape turned towards Susan, stalking around other bodies to get close to her. "And how would you do that?"

"I'm not sure. What would you advise, sir?" Susan asked, her chin slightly raised.

"I wouldn't. I would upbraid you for your lack of critical thinking." Snape hissed. "Anyone else?"

"Few doors my shoulder can't get me through." Goyle said. Harry's eyes flicked to him, and he was surprised to see such certainty on Greg Goyle's face.

"Clearly, you haven't met a steel door yet." Snape said, in that precise, acerbic way he had.

"Longbottom, how does a Gryffindor open the door?" Snape said, and Harry's hackles rose unbidden. It was one thing for Snape to pick on Harry, but Neville? Neville hadn't done anything wrong.

Neville smiled a gormless grin, "He doesn't, sir."

Snape's eyes flashed, a display of temper, before he said, in a quieter voice, "And why is that?"

"The Gryffindor way is through the wall, sir." Neville, grinning, attempted to demonstrate, shooting a Bombarda curse between two of the doors, and running through before he'd fully registered that the spell was rebounding on him. Harry, who'd been expecting that result, ably shielded Neville before the Bombarda could actually hit. Unfortunately, he'd used one of the shield spells Snape had taught him - one that liked to rebound spells, not absorb them.

The spell flew straight at Pansy Parkinson. Who, as calmly as could be, opened the door in front of her, and stepped straight through, closing the door smartly on the spell, which was absorbed. Pansy disappeared entirely from view.

"How did she accomplish that feat? In a room of locked doors?" Snape snarled, whipping his robes around him as he paced like a caged panther through the crowd.

"We weren't looking, sir. How should we know?" Goyle said, and Harry heard the actual response - 'sir, I know, but you're not going to like it. And you're going to like it less if I say it here, in front of everyone.'

It was just so easy to think of Goyle as stupid. He really wasn't, but he knew how to hide his cleverness. Harry spent more than a brief moment wondering what would have happened if he'd gone to Hogwarts acting as stupid as Goyle did. Probably nothing good, Harry thought with chagrin. Besides, I doubt I could lie that well...

"Well, what are you waiting for? Open The Doors!" Snape announced, slashing his wand.

The screaming started again, reduced only in the slightest for the single door Pansy had entered. "Alohamora," Justin said, to astonished looks from everyone else, particularly when his door didn't open.

"A first year spell?" Hannah cried.

Harry sighed. This was going to be a long class.

[a/n: Happy Turkey Day! Please leave a review. Do you know what Pansy did?]